Mania In The Moment

Hey guys šŸ™‚

I hope you’re all doing well. ā˜ŗ

Writing about what mania is like is nothing new. I have touched on it before but I have never actually written about it while experiencing it at the same time so today I want to give a true glimpse into my manic experience while it’s fresh.

For me, my bouts of mania are not nearly as frequent as they used to be. Things are more or less under control. I have bipolar 2 disorder so the mania for me fits the hypomania category. It’s less intense.

Usually…

The fact I can recognize my own manic state is something I never thought I would be able to do but when you manage to stabilize something like bipolar disorder you can start to see the symptoms of it a lot easier. Not always…it can kind of creep up on you but yeah definitely manic right now.

So how do I know? Well, it all started about two weeks ago when I got off track with my medication.

It started with strep throat and the antibiotics I took for it. It hindered the effects of my medication. Basically, it felt like I wasn’t taking any medication for my disorder but strep throat needed to go and so I just kind of dealt with it.

I felt “off” for days because of it but not so much manic at that point.

Then, I ran out of my medication entirely. It’s happened before but this time I just found myself busy and reeling from the holidays and illness. I simply forgot to refill my prescription at first. The medication I take, when you stop suddenly it’s not instantly noticeable. At least not for me and besides that, I take a second medication for generalized anxiety disorder which I believe helped make the withdrawal from the first medication less noticeable.

Then our town was hit with a winter storm. That delayed things further. By the time I did pick up my medication though, it was obvious I needed it. I got that foggy, can’t put a sentence together,Ā  muscle spasm thing that I always get in my arms whenever withdrawal happens.

Basically I felt like a zombie.

I took my medication but forgot one tiny thing. I take Lamotrigine and that is one medication that you have to increase very slowly. It only has a half life of 24 to 30 hours approximately.

I forgot that fact and took the full dose when I technically had to start the dosing process all over again as if taking it for the first time.

The day I picked up my medication it was not even 9 AM and I insisted with my better half that I must go to the dollar store for craft supplies. This was because the night before, I spent half my night on Pinterest obsessing over mosaic art and crafts and was suddenly inspired and felt that I too must create such beauty.

I couldn’t even wait at that point to hit the dollar store. I started taking old cds and cutting them up, determined to make my mosaic masterpiece and that’s when I realized I had no glue…I tried making glue from flour and water (fyi it didn’t work) then I tried electrical tape…I could not wait it was suddenly very important.

Finally I did give up and stayed up the rest of the night. When the sun finally came up I started pestering my husband to take me to the dollar store.

We had to stop at other stores first and I was crawling out of my skin waiting for my husband as he browsed around. Normally I would gladly browse with him but this time I was snappy, rushing him and even felt anxiety and stress that he didn’t seem to be getting to the dollarstore fast enough.

When I did get to the dollarstore I beelined it for the craft section like a junkie looking for a fix.

I was in heaven. I suddenly had a million creative ideas and when I got to the counter to pay, I certainly went over that 20 dollar budget I promised I would stick to.

When I got home, I got down to business…and I didn’t stop. I spent the entire day crafting. I couldn’t stop looking at my creation and taking pictures of it…tweaking it until it was what I perceived to be perfection….this has been going on for the last two days and finally just started to calm down somewhat today.

Now I find myself here not being able to type about it fast enough.

No sleep…intense need to create and spend money on craft supplies…is that dangerous? No. Honestly as I read what I have written, I find it funny actually. Of course it’s funny. Everything is in this state. That’s another thing about mania,nothing can get you down…

What I know despite my mental state right now is things will come down. It’s already happening because that’s what always happens. The mania is never long term…sometimes I wish that it was because honestly it’s an awesome feeling. You have the energy 10 people drinking red bull and lightening focus, it’sĀ  just it never lasts long enough to truly accomplish anything long term.

Mania is like a car salesmen getting you hyped up enough to buy an expensive sports car when you’re normally a minivan person but you fall for the pitch and you find yourself driving that sportscar as fast as you can and then just as you hit the highway the wheels start coming off and you have to pull over or crash entirely.

That’s what mania is in the moment for me…I will read this back to myself later and probably feel embarrassed I wrote about it but in this case maybe it will help someone understand mania or confirm it for someone.

Take Care & God Bless ā¤

Cavelle

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Wow! Thank You!

Hey guys šŸ™‚

So despite the fact I have not written in this blog since mid November, there are still people finding, reading and following this blog ā¤

That warms my heart! But umm, it also leaves me wondering what I should do lol. As you know from the last post I left here, I ventured off into new territory with a second blog called A Christian In Bloom.

The theme there as the name suggests, is faith based and focuses on my ever growing walk with God.

I have been taking things at a slow pace and I thought perhaps of closing down Mental Break – In Progress altogether…I did that once before during a difficult time in my life and I soon came to regret it.

Mental Break – In Progress has been my baby since 2014. I can’t seem to shake it and I don’t really want to.

It is clear to me that despite ignoring this blog for 2 months, the topic of mental illness is what I have always known it to be –

An important one.

So now I find myself back here once more and at a crossroads. Do I run two separate blogs? Do I mesh them together somehow?

Part of my back on forth on this is I want to reach people on more than one level. I know not everyone out there is a Christian or believes in God or even a higher power for that matter but despite that, I know there are many, many people who need to connect on the topic of mental illness and well, I know that topic quite well and I’m passionate about helping people regardless of their beliefs because no one deserves to walk the road of mental illness alone. ā¤

On the other hand, my faith over the last year or so has grown leaps and bounds. I still struggle with it, all the time in fact but this transformation I have been going through is by far the most important one to date and so as I transform so does my writing.

So in light of all I have said just now and also in light of a new year, I guess it’s time to go to the drawing board and figure this out. As I write this some ideas come to mind already but honestly, if you have any feedback to give, this bipolar Christian would be most grateful to you! šŸ™‚

Take Care & God Bless ā¤

Cavelle

 

 

Be Still

Please be still

He knows you’re ill  

As you try in vain to find Him

The doctors

The nurses

They block your view

But He’s standing right behind them

Your fears are real

He knows this well

He’s trying to subside them

But please

Be still

Let Him work on you

And please 

Do not deny Him

A dose of faith

A dose of trust

You have to commit

This is a must

The power of prayer

May it reach you

Pray for yourself

He can teach you

Open your heart

Quiet your mind

Sing all His praises

His voice you shall find

In His name

Be still ā¤

Take Care & God Bless ā¤

Cavelle

 

Monday Prayer

Hey guys šŸ™‚

As we enter a new week, I personally need to get my mind and my heart aligned with God and the best way to do that is through prayer ā¤

 

Dear Lord,

Please continue to hold my hand as I enter into a new week.

Please watch over my family and in particular, I pray for my brother and his fiance as they prepare for their first born this week. May you ensure a safe delivery for mother and baby Pearl. ā¤

May you watch over my family as we continue to grow and strengthen our bond with each other. I thank you that despite the past you bless us with a bright future. ā¤

I thank you for helping me reunite with my church family. I know I need them and you know it too and so I thank you for giving me the strength to overcome my anxieties, my fears and even my complacency.Ā 

Please continue to open my heart and allow me to exercise discipline in your name.

Use me as you see fit. ā¤

You know my heart but I think you also need me to start acting on what’s inside my heart. This is scary Lord. Please help to wash away those fears so that I can better serve you and those who are closest to me.

Thank you for continuing to put a roof over my head, food on the table and harmony in my home. You bless me with the stability I have always wanted in my life and I am eternally grateful for that. ā¤

Please continue to help me keep simplicity and peace in my life and in the lives of those around me.

I pray you touch those who need you but don’t know it. I pray for them most of all. I can’t imagine my life without you. I would not be standing here to today if not for you. ā¤

Please help me to find direction in my writing. I am at a crossroads with my earthly passion and I want my earthly passion to line up with my passion for you and so help me to find the right words. Words that may touch someone in need of them.

Thank you in advance for guiding me through another week. Help me to tune out the noise that is the devil as he loves to play little games with me and those I love in an attempt to chip away at the foundation we have built in your name. Protect me from petty things…petty thinking.

In closing Lord, I thank you for hearing my prayers and I have faith and trust that you will answer every one of them as your plan for me continues to unfold. May you help me to see what you see. ā¤

Amen.

 

Mark 11:24Ā 

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

 

Take Care & God Bless ā¤

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

Words As A Weapon

Hey guys šŸ™‚

So yeah need to get this one out. This is something I personally won’t stand for and so I have decided to not just write about it but put my face on it because I’m passionate about this one…

 

 

Take Care & God Bless ā¤

Cavelle

Owning What I Got

Hey guys šŸ™‚

Soooo kind of bored right now and after watching some YouTube videos, I was inspired to make another. Tired of the fact that body image issues are still a thing in 2017 and so I decided to rise above my personal fears about my own body image as a way to hopefully inspire others to do the same šŸ™‚ ā¤

 

 

 

Take Care & God Bless ā¤

Cavelle