A Christian With Bipolar Disorder

Hey Guys 🙂

I feel like I keep apologizing for this each time I post, but I am sorry for my absence lately.

I have been thinking a lot. There have been many changes going on in my life at the moment. Good changes but not without its growing pains.

To those of you who read my blog and relate to the challenges of mental illness, I am sure some of you can relate to what I am about to tell you.

As someone with bipolar disorder, I have moments where I have all the energy in the world. I can multitask like nobody’s business and about 3 hours sleep is all I need. I become super social and everything is rainbows and butterflies.Too bad those periods of mania couldn’t last a little longer!

Currently, I can safely say, I am not going through a manic phase right now. More like a “I don’t care” phase. Not super depressed to the point of suicidal thoughts or anything like that but just simply “blah”. Low energy, lack of motivation, lack of appetite. Content to hibernate in my house. It’s nothing personal…it just is.

I can feel this indifference starting to lift hence why you see this post today. I am slowly but surely starting to have the drive to write again but here’s the thing. I cannot promise consistent posting at this time.

I have tried this before and eventually I have to just go away for a bit. The catch 22 of the disorder. Trying to find balance and consistency. It’s certainly not easy and hands down the biggest frustration I have with bipolar disorder.

So yeah, if you see me fall of the map for a little bit, chances are I am going through a low period.

Like I mentioned earlier, I have been thinking a lot. I have been noting some of the ways having bipolar disorder effects things like my work, interests, activities, my relationships and yes even my faith in God.

Before I really started embracing my faith, I never really gave this concept much thought but I am starting to see that my faith becomes altered depending on which end of the bipolar spectrum I’m on.

For the most part, things are fairly balanced. I take medication. I see my doctors on a consistent basis. Despite that, it’s not a cure. I am still going to have bipolar moments.

When I experience mania, I notice my faith and desire to keep God at the top of my list quite easy. I make note of Him everyday. I am more willing to contribute and going to church is a happy social event for me.

When I am experiencing the depression side of things, I start to question my faith, going to church becomes a challenge, the main reason being, I don’t feel comfortable around people during that time. The public social outing I normally enjoy becomes riddled with anxiety and a lack of interest in general.

Sometimes I wonder, is it possible to be a true follower of God when your views and beliefs tend to shift because of mental illness?

I guess I throw the question out there because I honestly don’t know the answer. All I do know is I believe in God and I believe He is with me always. I have been posed the question “Are you a fan or a follower of God” At this point, I know I am not a true follower if I measure it against a list of criteria, however at the end of the day I do believe.

My fear is, if being a true follower requires more than simply believing then how I am ever going to achieve follower status when my brain has shifts in mood and thought that are sometimes very hard to control?

I would enjoy any thoughts or discussions on the matter. Am I the only one who has pondered this? Are there other Christians out there living with mental illness who face the same struggle?

Take Care ❤

Cavelle

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11 thoughts on “A Christian With Bipolar Disorder

  1. Thank you for your articulate and honest exploration of your faith and mental health. I too am a Christian who has bipolar.

    I have found as well that when I am on the manic side, I am more diligent with spiritual exercises (journaling, worship, prayer, service, evangelism, etc..) This almost comes to a halt when I am depressed.

    One thing I have cherished is the idea that when I am manic I am more aware of holding onto God. But when I am depressed, I better realize God is holding onto me,.

    What do you think?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I understand this completely. Recently my bipolar disorder dipped. I was in extreme depression and in a state of manic impulsiveness. I ended up driving my car into a tree trying to commit suicide. Through that I found god once again. My engine was split in half instead of going through the dash and killing me. He saved me that day. While I am in a state of depression right now from my bipolar disorder, I am still happy he saved me and am glad I once again have a relationship with Him. Please feel free to check out my personal mental health blog shatterinsanity.blog (:

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hey there! I completely identify with what you’re going through. I am a follower of Christ who also lives with bipolar, depression and anxiety. I’ve learned that in my depressive states even if I’m not actively following Christ and reading His word, or even feel like He’s near or even cares, I know through faith and grace that He does indeed still love me. It’s regardless of how I feel. It’s not an action or thought on my part. It’s through my weakness in fact that He pursues me because I am his daughter.

    I would encourage you to read Psalm 139. It starts with this:
    “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.” (Psalm 139:1-4 ESV). Please read all of Psalm 139. It is just wonderful.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. It is definitely possible. I have found my way back to my faith after a long break. I was so extremely angry. I did a post series on it on my blog, but moving on… Our pastor was on sabbatical and we were having combined services (we still are, but my associate pastor helped me work something out). I couldn’t handle going. The guilt set in. Well, a nun I know at work (I’m not Catholic but work at a Catholic nursing home) told me that God knows us. He knows our heart. That it was okay that I couldn’t handle being there. He understands. It was the best thing she could have said to me. God loves us and knows our struggles. Taking a sabbatical from church doesn’t mean we are taking one from Him.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you so much for your response. You’re so right and I am glad you can relate. I struggled with the guilt of not going to church feeling I was letting members down and God down but it’s true He knows our heart and it’s nice to be reminded of that because sometimes I lose my way but since God knows my heart he always finds a way to hold my hand during the times when I can’t even get out of bed…I believe He sits by my beside until I am ready ❤ Thank you for reassuring me on this and sharing your experience with me ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I totally see your struggle. I too have similar questions about my faith walk and my inability to be consistent due to bipolar disorder. I am often plagued with guilt over the lives my adult children are living. They were all brought up with Christian standards and biblical direction, but along with that was a bipolar, very inconsistent, mother whose faith wasn’t reliable. Where do we find acceptance within ourselves for all of these shortcomings? Sometimes I feel like I did more damage than good in my kids walk with the Lord. I understand all about grace and forgiveness, but somewhere along the line, there must be accountability. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I guess we are all in this together.
    Peace and blessings

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing 🙂 In my own way I can understand some of the guilt you may feel in regards to your children but I can assure you God is watching over all of you. When I was growing up, my mother did her best to instill Christian values but there was much abuse in our family and for a time after my parents divorced, my mother was lost and in turn my brothers and I got lost in the shuffle as well. I couldn’t see the whole picture at the time and I will admit I resented my mother for it. Over time as I reached adulthood, I started to face my own struggles and the struggles my mother had faced at the time made a lot more sense. We have long since buried the hatchet, My mother suffered from the same kind of guilt you mentioned but when I look back on it all, we were all suffering in our own way yet we all managed to come out the other side stronger and better. I thank God everyday that he did not turn his back on our family. To know struggle and suffering is to know God in a way that no one can take from you. One thing I have made a point of practicing is to acknowledge that I am not defined by my bipolar disorder. It is part of me yes, and it runs in my family. It has caused pain and suffering and I did reach a point in my life where it was time to hold myself accountable but God understands our heart and even when I have moments where I struggle with my faith I never quite let go because I know I am still here because of Him. God Bless ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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