Let It All Out

Hey guys 🙂

As I enter into a new week, I have put my armor on and I’m ready to kick some butt. 🙂

One thing I have done to help with that is I have started making a point to get back into church and make it routine. For awhile there I just couldn’t get seem to get it together and just go to church…an hour out of my week, and yet something as simple as going to church seemed like a challenge but I am determined to make that stop.

In the last couple of weeks I have started to dig deep and get back to basics. I long for a simple, uncomplicated life and that has meant keeping my inner circle as close to me as possible and the rest will have to make an appointment.

Self preservation is not a bad thing. ❤

Last week when I attended church, I managed to show up early for Sunday School before the main sermon. The topic that morning revolved around being born again, being saved.

This struck a chord in me and actually made me emotional. I had been so wrapped up in earthly, day to day junk, that I wasn’t feeling as spiritually in touch as I wanted to be.

I spoke up in class and asked how can I truly be saved when I am bound to make mistakes and falter? Do I just ask for forgiveness and continue to be born over and over again?

I said, I feel guilty that I have missed so much church. I feel I have let my church family down. I said, it’s not just my work schedule that makes it challenging to show up. It’s an internal thing…it’s me.

When we discuss being saved, I am never sure how to approach it or what to say. I feel I have a relationship with God and I certainly have faith and believe in him but I said, I struggle to come right out publicly and proclaim that I am saved or that I want to be saved and make that true commitment to God.

I mentioned the persecution I feel sometimes as I become more rooted in my faith and more outspoken about it. That lead to discussion that as we get closer to the day when God will return, the bible clearly states Christians will be persecuted more and more each day…

Timothy simply states:

2 Timothy 3:12

Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted

 

I continued to discuss the fact that am not sure I am ready to go there yet. That I tend to sit on the fence when it comes to making something like being saved offical and so I feel behind sometimes.

I didn’t mean to hijack the class and I said as much but the result of me speaking up and allowing myself to be vulnerable turned out to be a much needed positive experience and great discussion among the class.

Emotional and overwhelming but truly cleansing in its own right. I received so much support from the ladies and they were happy I spoke up and they prayed with me. I didn’t even realize I had so much pent up emotion until that moment.

One thing I have realized is that on a subconscious level, I think the reason I had started to avoid going to church in the last few months is because it was striking too many chords within me and overwhelming me.

Also, I am not used to receiving that kind of support…I don’t know how to ask for and accept it and so it feels awkward to me. I walk through those church doors sometimes and think, I don’t deserve to be here…I am not a stand up Christian. Church reminds me that I am painfully human and sometimes I just don’t know what to do with that and so I hide.

But I am starting to realize and understand what church is really about. It’s not about being the perfect Christian or keeping judgmental tabs on each other. It’s about helping each other as we walk our path with God. It’s a support system, a safe haven and a social outlet with like minded people that I desperately need but tend to avoid.

Today, I managed to make it to church again (2 weeks in a row woo hoo!) and today’s sermon was great. Now that I am really starting to dig deep and allow myself to be open I am getting much more out of the sermons and Sunday School lessons. I am left full with soul food and it makes me feel ready to face my week as I know that’s when the devil works the hardest. He loves to beat us down and encourage stress and worry over the day to day.

It’s also a nice outing not only for me but for my fiance too. It brings us closer together as a couple. It makes us stronger.

I finally have a man in my life who also has faith and believes God is with us. We are able to rise above a lot simply because we hold God’s hand together and if one of us is down, we’re able to lift the other up by reminding the other that God will take care of us.

The uphill climb a Christian faces today and throughout history is real. For some reason, many people cast stones on religion…They associate the word “religion” with being radical, close minded, judgmental, self righteous, corny, out of touch, uptight and stuffy.

This is unfortunate and I am not trying to say none of that exists within the realm of religion…but Christian or not, there will always be someone pointing fingers…always… in fact we’re all guilty of it if we’re being honest.

We are ALL human.

There will always be good, evil and everything in between… more importantly there will always be wolves in sheep’s clothing no matter where you turn but that doesn’t mean you can’t protect yourself and it starts with surrounding yourself with the right people instead of trying in vain to get people to see what you see, think what you think and feel what you feel…we need to stop focusing on that, myself included and turn inward and hold on to the people who are truly there to offer love and support.

Keep your friends and family close and your enemies as far away as possible. Don’t engage, don’t react and fuel futile fires.

Try saying that three times fast. 😉

I made that mistake just in the last month in one of my posts…it reeked havoc on my Facebook page.

People deleted me and lashed out at me…persecuted me…I had a strong, controversial/Christian opinion and when I wrote the post, I was frustrated and instead of just leaving it alone and turning the other cheek, I sparked one of those futile fires and promoted the wrong kind of conversation and energy…for that I feel remorse and have learned my lesson. I ultimately took down the post because it’s not my true goal to start a social media firestorm of that nature.

Does that mean I retract my stance? No. It does not. Could I have expressed myself in a better way? Definitely.

All I know is I am going to screw up and that day I did but the quicker I make peace with that and stop worrying about what other people think of me the better. I have never claimed to be perfect and I never will be.

I think that’s what non-believers need to understand. Being a Christian does not mean being perfect or living some prim and proper, holier than thou lifestyle. We all have free will and are free to choose our own path so maybe we all just need to focus on paving our own path instead of trying to pave someone else’s.

This has been a valuable lesson that I have learned.

There are many things going on in today’s society that I do not agree with. Things that make me cringe…things I find hypocritical and totally backwards… I am sure there are people who feel the same about me and my beliefs but the one thing I have realized about that is to just stay true to myself and walk the path that is right for me. Talk about that and keep my mouth shut about the rest because honestly, why waste energy on and argue with people who already have their mind made up. Why stir that pot? In my experience, it was nothing but trouble…a total waste.

The best thing I can do is keep promoting the positive example I strive to be. Continue to grow in my relationship with God, with my spouse, my family, my friends and my church. The rest will fall naturally into place and will weed out the people who don’t need to be anywhere near my inner circle.

Aim for simplicity, for peace. Sure, you won’t always get it right. You won’t always practice what you preach but I will leave you with this cliche –

If at first you don’t succeed, try try again. 

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Fear Of Making The Wrong Decision

Hey guys 🙂

So in my last two posts, I talked about why you should treat your life like a business and I also discussed a more sensitive topic about why I don’t want to have children.

Today, I want to expand on my “Why You Need To Start Treating Your Life Like A Business” post and delve into a more Christian version of that because personally, I need to get back in touch with the man upstairs (AKA God).

I alluded to the fact that the last week or so has been especially trying. It’s moments like this where it’s so easy for me to get caught up in the stress of it all and forget that God is looking out for me. He’s always there but it never hurts to acknowledge that.

Recently, my fiance had to make a tough decision. The truth is, from the outside looking in, the decision was clear but sometimes, the hesitation to take the high road can seem complicated.

Anxiety, stress, guilt, confusion and a lack of trust in our judgement can hinder the decision making process. It can paralyze us with fear because we become consumed with a question of worry –

What if I am making the wrong decision?

Ultimately, my fiance made the right decision for his well being and I am proud of him for setting boundaries and looking out for his mental and physical health. He put himself first for a change.

For many of us, putting ourselves first can be a challenge and I think for some of us “challenge” is an understatement . We feel guilt if we put ourselves first. We worry about ruffling feathers and more often than not, we stay in an unhealthy situation just to appease people who quite frankly, do not have our best interest at heart.

My fiance and I were discussing his recent decision and at that point he was still feeling guilt and worry but this is what I told him –

  1. The best decisions are usually the hardest to make.
  2. When we get a gut feeling that just won’t go away, that’s God talking to you. He’s trying to show you a better way and so he speaks to your heart until you listen and act on it.

I reminded my fiance and myself that keeping our faith strong needs to stay a top priority. When you look to God and acknowledge him in your life, you start to see he is everywhere.

If God does not exist, I will eat my shirt because based on my own life experiences, it’s a miracle sometimes that I am still standing. Even in my darkest days, my head has managed to stay above water, just barely at times but I have always managed to get back up and fight another day.

I have God to thank for that. ❤

Regardless of what or who you believe in, I have always felt that having a spiritual faith of sorts is so important. What a bleak and depressing path we walk without hope and faith by our side.

When I need to make a tough life decision, I talk to God about it and I love to go online and look up Bible verses for guidance related to my situation.

For this particular topic I found this Bible verse that speaks to me and I hope it speaks to you too –

Proverbs 3:6

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Short and sweet. I have grown to love Proverbs as I find the passages there are so direct and relevant to the world we live in today. The book of Proverbs doesn’t candy coat things and accepts no excuses from us.

I always seem to find the guidance I need there.

I wonder sometimes why we resist God’s path for us. We say we believe and trust in God to watch over us but many times we just have to complicate the path, take a bunch of detours and then finally come to the conclusion our gut was right all along and why didn’t we just listen to it sooner.

When I think of all the times I have done that, I imagine God up there in the clouds smacking his forehead like a parent who tries to tell their kid “Don’t touch the stove it’s hot” but they just have to do the opposite and ultimately learn the hard way.

I used to say the only way I know how to learn is the hard way but overtime I have realized, why learn the hard way all the time? I suppose being in my 30’s I am starting to become more aware of the fact that I am a mere mortal not destined to live forever so why on earth am I wasting time on this sort of thing?

Proverbs 12:11

Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.

Amen Proverbs. When we avoid making the decision we knew all along needed to be made, I think that counts as a worthless pursuit.

Oh, and let’s not forget James. He has an excellent point I need to share regarding this topic –

James 4:17

So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

The book of James is similar to Proverbs with it’s unapologetic, to the point words of wisdom and I have started to look there as well for guidance.

When it comes to making life decisions, I don’t think it’s a matter of “right” or “wrong” but more of a “How hard do you want to make this journey?” I believe God will guide us regardless and we will ultimately reach our destination if we hold him in our hearts but I liken decision making to booking a flight –

Do you want the cheaper flight with tons of layovers or the direct flight? Sure, the direct flight may cost you more upfront but you get to where you’re going twice as fast with less mess…usually lol

*I think you get the general idea with that analogy so let’s keep it simple and pretend airlines stay on schedule all the time. 😉 *

In closing, I encourage you to face your fears head on and listen to your gut. Act on it sooner rather than later. Make the decision that is right for YOU because God is not out to make your life miserable.

God is our gut feeling. Trust him. Pass your worries over to him because the more you avoid doing what’s right for you, the louder God will speak in order to get your attention.

He’s not trying to punish you, he’s trying to make you “get it”. He’s giving you a shake because he doesn’t want to see bad things for you. He wants to walk with you so hold his hand and let God lead the way. ❤

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

Why I Don’t Want Children

Hey guys 🙂

I already wrote a post earlier but it’s been a rather slow night here on my night shift. I refuse to be bored, so I turn to my writing for comfort.

As a lady in my early/entering mid 30’s (I’ll be 34 in December) it seems that society encourages that I should really get on that baby train soon or I might miss it.

I need to stress before I go any further, this post is not about hating on mothers or children for that matter, it’s just for some of us, children are not in the cards.

For some, the reasons for not having children are beyond control and for others like me, it’s a conscious decision.

Let me also make note of the fact, that I consider myself to have been a mother already. When I was younger I had a miscarriage. It was a very difficult time.

The relationship I was in was not healthy/abusive and when I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend at the time didn’t seem all that shocked.

Did I mention that he admitted to getting me pregnant on purpose two weeks after I found out and right before I would be starting college?

Apparently, this was suppose to bring us “closer together”. I suppose you are questioning how could my ex have gotten me pregnant on purpose. Was there no birth control? Sigh, there was not at the time but there was trust (in that respect)…or at least there was suppose to be.

Miscarriages are all too common unfortunately but the loss is real and you never stop wondering about your child who could have been.

Before I found out I was pregnant, there was one night when my girlfriends and I decided to have a girls night out. I remember my boyfriend at the time was putting up a fuss that I wanted to go but I thought he was just being a jerk as things between us had been on a downward spiral for some time and so I went out, had drinks and a grand ole time.

This event would be thrown back in my face.

After my miscarriage, I had little support emotionally and otherwise from him.

One night, we had a huge argument regarding the event and in the heat of the moment he told me that I wouldn’t have lost the baby had I had stayed home that night.

To this day, that statement can still sting. That statement would keep me in a state of guilt and depression for some time.

How could he have the audacity to blame me when he knew before I left that night what he had already done?

The choice to have a baby was not mine in this case and despite that, I was excited and prepared to carry to term.

But the choice to keep the baby was taken from me. This would prove to be for the best but at the time it was devastating.

I felt violated, betrayed and I also felt completely out of control. Decisions were made for me without any consideration.

Not a good feeling.

My miscarriage experience landed me in the emergency room. I was hemorrhaging at a dangerous rate and there are some parts of that event that are still so vivid.

Two days before Christmas…five days before my birthday…

So yes, a rather dark story but the good news is, I persevered through that time in my life. ❤

For the most part, I have made peace with it all but it took a long time and sometimes it still haunts me 10 years later.

You never forget something like that but it is possible to move forward.

I have spent the majority of my life making the same mistakes over and over again. I spent the majority of my life mentally ill, unaware that I had bipolar disorder.

It has only been in the last year that I have truly started to get my life together and I have to tell you, this new found freedom, this healthier me, I love it and I want nothing or no one to interfere with that…and yes that includes children.

I don’t think I need to tell you that having a child is a lifelong commitment and while I will not argue with people the fact that kids are life changing and there’s nothing like it, that’s kind of my point. It is life changing, it is a huge commitment and if I am truly honest with myself, I want to commit to me for once.

I want my freedom.

I am not willing to commit to having a child. Is that selfish of me to say?

As a woman, sometimes you think people will frown upon that statement but I would rather be honest then cave to social pressures, use my body for it’s biological purpose but ultimately grow to resent my child in the process.

Speaking of social pressures, having a kid in this world we live in today?

No thanks.

I personally feel like the world is full of so much PC rhetoric that I honestly want no part of having to juggle a kid along with that…I read all these stories about the issues parents have had to deal with at their kid’s school for example…I don’t have patience for such things and I refuse to allow myself or my hypothetical child for that matter, get caught up in crap like that.

I have mentioned having bipolar disorder. My father and brother also have bipolar disorder. There is a hereditary component to the illness and personally, I don’t like the idea of putting my child at risk for that.

Sure, I would be able to see the signs faster than most and have it treated much earlier but again, if I am being honest, I have enough of a time taking care of myself in that department. I am not sure I could or want to handle having children based on that.

OK, so now for an obvious reason.

My husband to be had a vasectomy during a previous relationship so that kind of takes children off the table. I think in some cases the procedure can be reversed but as it turns out my fiance and I are both on the same page here so it’s really a non issue for us.

We have lived similar lives and we both feel the need to focus on ourselves and each other. We have stability in our lives and we’re really not willing to rock that boat. We get by financially and we’re comfortable for once.

Another reason I would rather not have a child…they cost a ton of money that would tip the financial scales out of our favor. I am not about to have a child I am not financially prepared for.

That being said, I love children. I am an aunt of 3 nephews, 1 niece and 1 niece on the way in November. I love being the cool aunt. ❤ I love being a mentor.

So I may not want children of my own but I certainly love the idea of being there for children who have been cast aside. It’s an epidemic and one that just should not be.

I can see myself one day adopting perhaps or even being a foster parent. I would rather help and love the children (so many) who are already here with no family, no place to turn, no love and security, than bring a new child into this world.

I don’t prefer to be a mother in the traditional sense but I feel I can certainly be a mother of sorts to children who really need one.

I will always advocate for children. ❤

They didn’t ask to be brought into this world and so it’s our duty as a society (I feel) to take care of the innocent before creating new innocents.

Again, this is not to “mom shame” anyone but we all have a story and this one happens to be mine. I know there are many women like myself afraid to speak up about the other side of the fence because it seems to be assumed that all women want to be mothers and that is simply just not true and I am here to tell you –

 

That is perfectly OK. ❤

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why You Need To Start Treating Your Life Like A Business

Hey guys 🙂

Wow. What a week it has been. I will spare you the details because I would end up spending all my time talking about it and personally, I just want to move forward and look for the silver linings. 🙂

The week I have had ties into what I want to touch on today. So I will start with this question –

What if we lived our lives as if we were running a business?

I have pondered this question many times and have even applied this concept to my own life and I have to say, it’s rather effective.

If you were to start a “life ledger” what would it look like? Is the business that is you generating a surplus or are you finding yourself in the red more than you’d care to be?

In my mind, a life ledger would be quite basic and look something like this:

  • Assets – What do you and the people around you, bring into your life that is positive? Are there enough assets to cover the liabilities in your life?
  • Liabilities –  We all have responsibilities in life. That will never change but I imagine there are many of you who, if you looked at your life ledger right now would see you take on more liabilities than is necessary. This can make or break the business that is you.

Starting today, it’s time to balance the books. For the sake of the business, we need to start letting go of some of the liabilities we have taken on .

The numbers don’t lie.

If your life is currently in the red, look at your ledger. Perhaps you will start to see some patterns.

I certainly have past liabilities that needed to go as it almost put me out of business more than once.

A good source of our life income comes from the connections we make with other people. Anyone who runs a literal business will tell you that connections count and keep a business afloat.

No clients, no business.

However, some clients can in fact hurt your business. You spend all your time and energy on this particular client yet the return on that investment turns out to be a waste of time.

This client keeps the purse strings tight and are high maintenance. Their loyalty to your business only benefits them, not you.

This is hands down a liability and whether you believe it or not, this is one liability you can scratch off your books ASAP.

They are not helping your business, they are sucking you dry and that time and energy could be better spent making room for a new client who is willing to work with you and for you.

This kind of client truly appreciates your service and you appreciate their business.

Do you see how this concept can easily be applied to our lives? Do you have that long time friend, significant other or even family member that you’ve hung on to simply because they have been part of the furniture for so long?

Ask yourself. How is this person an asset to my life? Why am I going into debt over this person? In some cases that question can be asked quite literally.

If you find yourself pausing to answer that question, then I challenge you to dust off your life ledger and look for the patterns.

For example, if this person was on your bank statement, chances are they would show up as multiple, micro transactions.

Useless spending.

These micro transactions add up and if we’re not paying attention to them we can lose out big time and not even know why…until we look  honestly at the numbers.

This can also apply to your current job. In this case we’re talking real numbers but it all ties into the business that is you.

Are you unhappy with your job? Is showing up to work everyday with dread worth the paycheck?

Is the time you invest into your job paying off for you or for everyone else?

Let’s say you work 8 hours a day for a modest pay. That modest pay in most cases is going to everyone but you. The time you invest into your job is many times an expense on your life ledger.

You get paid and pay the bills and if you are not happy with your job on top of that, what is left for you exactly?

Many of us fall into the trap of believing that if we can just get our finances in order everything else will fall into place but honestly, how often does that truly work out?

The truth is, we need to get our life in order. Have you ever thought that perhaps if you did that first your financial struggles would in fact resolve themselves or at the very least, improve?

Some of you may think I’m a bit bonkers to suggest you stop looking at your bank account and look to your life ledger first but the way I see it, perhaps you struggle financially because you haven’t balanced your life ledger.

Therefore, you may be making poor decisions (financial included) due to a lack of life assets.

If we reverse that, you may see that by taking care of you first, you are in a better position mentally and emotionally for making better overall decisions, have the confidence to take on a better job opportunity for example instead of convincing yourself that leaving your steady, yet totally depressing job is the only way.

Make yourself an asset! We are our own worst enemy sometimes. Don’t be your own liability on top of the ones you already juggle.

Now for those of you protesting that the bills need to get paid and you have children to support, I get you. I am not saying to go into work tomorrow and just go down in a ball of flames, yelling something about your life ledger to your boss…lol please don’t do that.

What I am saying, is that it is not too late to come up with a life plan and in this case, a financial plan that will truly be to the benefit of your business.

It’s a cliche job interview question but where do you see yourself in 5 years? If you can’t answer that question, what has prevented you from setting goals which will benefit your future?

Setting goals that benefit you both personally and financially, will ultimately benefit the ones you care about most and in return, the ones you care about are better able to support you and help to keep your life business grow and stay strong.

It’s never too late to balance the book of life but in order to do that, we need to read the numbers and accept them for what they are. No more grey areas. No more fudging the numbers to make them balance. Accept the entry errors as errors and correct them. Question the imbalances instead of simply writing them off.

Sometimes, this will involve making tough decisions but if you were running a real business and the decision was the difference between staying in business or not…the decision wouldn’t be all that hard. What business wants to shut down?

So apply that concept to yourself. You will find that by taking this approach, the liabilities that are risking your life business will stick out like a sore thumb. It will be obvious what cuts need to be made and it is my hope that if this post speaks to you, you will open up that life ledger and get down to business! ❤

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Love – An Open Letter To You

Dear Hun, (aka love of my life)

Just over a year ago, my brother introduced us. I didn’t know it right in that moment but I shook hands with my future husband, the person that I thought only existed in my dreams.

Then, one day, when the storm that I broke from cleared, there you were just being your awesome self and I quickly realized “This guy is the real deal” a male version of myself.

Realizing how much I loved you in that moment also made me realize that maybe, just maybe, I loved myself too for basically the first time ever.

Before you came along, I used to joke with people that I could never date someone like me, as a way to justify the fact that I was in relationships where being myself was an afterthought at best.

Being myself was a “bad” thing.

I forfeited my identity, the things that made me an individual to try and mold myself into what past boyfriends wanted me to be and it was never enough…ever.

But one day, I put my foot down..hard. I hit the ground running. It was terrifying and liberating all at the same time…I was ready to take life into my own hands…

Alone.

Funny how as soon as I did that, you just sort of fell into my lap. Best and worst timing ever lol.

It was like God was giving me a big hug, like a father proud of his child for doing the right thing and in turn he gifted me with you.

I think God had you in his back pocket the whole time, he was just waiting for me to wake up so that He could bless me with the best gift I could ever ask for. ❤

We have both been through so much. We both had baggage when we met and usually that would mean trouble, but in this case, we came together and helped each other to heal the wounds from our past because we both knew we had beautiful diamonds in the rough just waiting to shine, we understood each other’s pain and because we’re both so awesome, we got down to work and started chipping away at the walls we had built.

Now, like a sparkling diamond, we’re stronger than ever.

You are my best friend and I don’t think you understand just how much that means to me. We’re so connected. We know when to push and when to back off. We work through the tough times as a team.

We’re resilient. ❤

You give me the freedom to be me. I am still working on figuring out who I truly am and you support me on the journey and encourage me in the process. You make me want to be a better person everyday.

I used to feel like I was nothing more than some “crazy b*tch” (I was in fact told as much, more than once in the past along with various other derogatory statements.)

In my last relationship, I was apparently  suppose to “get over” the struggles I had with mental illness…no support, just criticism as if I should be able to just turn bipolar disorder off…

But you…you let me cry and work through the pain, you make me laugh, you make me smile, I am even allowed to be grumpy and you respect my space…that’s a big one as I was never allowed to have that before. You don’t take the need for space personally. You understand my need to recharge and process my thoughts. You also know when to give me a nudge when I have been in “hermit mode” for too long.

I am so grateful for that. ❤

You don’t push me into a corner and try to trigger me just so you can point the finger and make things my fault so that you can remain a control freak.

You make me an equal. ❤

You encourage me…you make it alright to be a big giant nerd because…well…you’re a big giant nerd 😉

You’re not threatened by the fact that I am smart. I don’t have to dumb myself down for you. We have in depth, intelligent conversations…do you have any idea what a breath of fresh air that is?! To be allowed to use my brain without coming off as some sort of threat to you?

What a difference it is to be with a real man ❤

Because you are there for me in ways I never imagined possible, it allows me to be there for you the way I had always hoped to be in a relationship.

We both have our moments where we don’t feel good enough for the other…that is just the past talking as it does sometimes but the voice of the past is fading more and more each day that we’re together.

Don’t ever say “You deserve better than me.” because you, my dear, are in fact the better I deserve ❤ I have waited for you for what seems like a lifetime and it’s been well worth the wait.

You know what else I love about you? Other people love you. I don’t feel like I have to “explain” you to people in order for them to understand what I see in you or flat out lie about our relationship to make it sound amazing to people when it isn’t.

You’re such a good soul and people see that in you right away. When I am with you I am proud. My parents and family love you so I know I got it right this time lol

People are genuinely happy for us because it’s so obvious how much we’re truly happy with each other. W truly are good and healthy for each other.

The people that matter most to me don’t simply “tolerate” you for my sake while secretly hoping I will come to my senses and leave you.

Oh and did I mention your amazing work ethic? Nothing is more attractive to me than a smart man who sets their work ethic bar high. I take pride in doing a good job, being reliable and a strong worker. I enjoy being a good example and so do you. You’re not lazy. You won’t lower the bar just to appease a lazy person.

I’m not high maintenance, you know this about me and by work ethic I am not talking about the money…it’s the principle.

You will do what needs to be done to maintain security in our home without a second thought. You don’t leave me hanging and force me to be “the provider” which you know hands down I can do and have done in past relationships. I will also do what needs to be done to keep security in our home but you don’t sit back and expect it.

You care about taking care of me and putting my mind at ease making it effortless for me to support you in the ways that you truly need.

You are my king and as your queen, I am more than happy to stand by your side and let you wear your much deserved crown. ❤

Know that I will always support you in this way. I want nothing but the best for you. I want to show you that the women from your past, the ones who have stomped all over your heart and wallet for that matter…That’s over and it’s totally their loss and my gain.

In the end, all of that, your past…my past, it ultimately brought us together. The rest no longer matters and for the others? What goes around truly comes back around.

I will always have your back. Anyone stupid enough to mess with you from here on in,  now has to answer to me and trust me when I say, for you, I will eat those people alive. You’re worth protecting and fighting for. You would and have, done the same for me. ❤

In closing, I only ask one thing of you.

Keep being you. You are truly a beautiful person. A rare find in this world and that is worth more to me than anything else ❤

I love you ❤

Cavelle

xoxoxoxox

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hashing Out Hashtags And The Power Of Social Media.

Hey guys 🙂

In a generation when social media has taken the place of traditional, human interaction, I am starting to notice a pattern that I find concerning.

The irony of this post is that I have to use a social media platform to get my message out there in order to connect.

There is nothing wrong with that however. I’m not knocking social media in that respect. Social media can be a powerful tool if used correctly. There is no denying that.

What I find concerning however is the fact that serious matters are turning into hashtags that everyone suddenly relates to in the moment. A massive domino effect. Then “poof”. It’s gone, forgotten and on to the next hashtag.

Bringing awareness to a cause is admirable. My blog for example. I like to bring awareness to mental illness in particular. To connect with others who may be going through the same thing. Social media has certainly helped bring us all together, in real time and I find that fascinating.

But why is everything in this world now reduced to a hashtag? Honestly, I find it lazy. We put out a hashtag to support a cause and what then? Many times the issue at hand stops at the hashtag. It’s the flavor of the week but is it truly effective?

I find that trending hashtags can actually cause a divide among people more than anything else. Anyone who perhaps questions the hashtag is many times blasted for doing so.

I get it. Some people who oppose or question the trending issue are trolls and merely want to stir the pot but some people have mature, well thought out and valid points so why the mob mentality towards them?

I see this kind of bullying all the time.

Not everyone is going to relate to or agree with a trend/hashtag and that’s Ok. At least, it should be. We live in a world where to my knowledge, people have the right to speak their mind regardless of  whether it lines up with the latest hot topic or not.

We have a habit of reducing serious matters into mere hashtags and in turn, I feel we in fact dilute the issue in the process. If you show your support with a hashtag it’s like “There, I have done my part. I am part of the solution now.”

Are you really?

Another thing I have noticed about this phenomenon is that it takes the issue at hand and lends the floor to an online “pissing contest” of sorts. It’s almost like people try to one up each other on their personal experience regarding the cause at hand. As if one person’s experience is perhaps more important or severe than someone else who has been through the same thing.

So two concerns I have about hashtags thus far:

  1. It reduces the issue and does not tend to offer an actual solution.
  2. It tends to cause divide,competition and a mob mentality towards those who differ in popular opinion.

Am I wrong on this? Perhaps to some I am way off the mark…to some, I may even be out of line. I already feel hesitant to hit the publish button because I am bound to offend someone for saying such things as they will go ahead and read between the lines when there is nothing to read there.

Some people will never actually read my words and interpret them for what they are. Some will already have their minds made up simply by reading the title and isn’t that half the problem right there?

We can read a hashtag and support the heck out of it whether we honestly know what we’re supporting or not but many times, we can’t take the time to read well thought out opinions, especially if it bucks the trend.

You will rarely if ever see me participate in the hashtag party whether or not I agree, relate or want to support the cause.

Let me get one thing straight though. I am not trying to bash anyone who uses hashtags to support a cause. In some respects it’s a step in the right direction but I am trying to get people to look deeper into the matter and I challenge you to actually leave your home and actively support your cause because it seems as if things stop at the hashtag. It’s a flash in the pan, not a long term solution or conversation…this is my opinion.

I don’t feel the need to list current or past hashtags to make my point. There is a new one every week so I could be here all day citing examples and honestly this post isn’t about putting a spotlight on specific hashtags.

It’s not just the hashtag though, it’s the nature of social media in general. It’s a necessary evil in one hand and many times squandered in the other.

Ironically enough, social media has connected us on a global level that at one time could not be fathomed yet we’re probably more anti-social today than ever before. In other words, we have much more to say about just about everything yet try saying some of the things we spout off  to someone’s actual face and we crawl back into our phones and tablets.

I for one miss a time when technology was not so heavily depended on for everything. The child in me wants to revert back to building forts in the woods and having to talk on the phone but not be able to walk more than 3 feet from it.

I miss a time when cursive existed. They don’t even bother to teach it in most schools now. In fact I would be surprised if the current generation can even print their name and I don’t mean that to be rude but just to enforce the point that we are bogged down with so much technology that picking up a pen or pencil is almost a foreign concept.

People have actual back and neck problems from slouching over a tiny screen in the comfort of their home never having to take true responsibility for their words or online actions. Easy to say what you want when you hide behind an avatar.

No need for proper grammar. We’re reduced to ” lol’s (which I totally overuse….guilty) and “omg’s” We say more with cartoon emoji’s than actual words…

I also miss a time when people had basic manners and respect for the elderly in particular. I was raised to hold the door open for the elderly and I still do to this day and you know what’s sad about that? Seniors appreciate it so much you would think I had given them a check for a million dollars. That’s how absent common courtesy and respect is in this current world.

Remember a time when if you dared talk to your parents the way kids do today you would have no lips left?

I am not truly a millennial or a generation x. I was born in 1983 so somewhere in between I guess. I embrace technology/social media as I would be quite cut off from the world if I didn’t.

I do not long for no technology whatsoever, yet I relate to an older generation who just wants to live a more simple lifestyle. More traditional perhaps. I use that word cautiously as currently, “traditional” seems to be associated with a closed mind, an old, out of touch mind. Tradition use to have value and a positive connotation. Now, it appears tradition or embracing a traditional mindset is reduced to a stigma towards those who just want the basics. The things that should just be a given like please and thank you.

As my post comes to a close, I hope the take away is this –

  • Aim for balance between a generation of technology and a need for more in person, actual human contact.
  • Be willing to act on your words when supporting a cause with hashtags.
  • Understand not everyone will agree with you just because your hashtag and cause follows popular opinion.
  • Traditional is not a bad word.
  • Some people are jerks. It’s the nature of the online world. I don’t know why we live in such a touchy, constantly offended, insist on stoking a pointless online fire, world when there are better ways to waste time in a day. I have allowed myself to go there just as much as anyone else and honestly, the lesson I have learned from that is it’s not worth an ounce of my energy.
  • I touched on it briefly but this one happens to be a cause I will always consider to be important. Be kind to the elderly. Perhaps they are not as in touch with technology or current trends but I can promise you they have just as much value as anyone else if not more. Respect the time they have left on this earth. Some of them fought for your freedom to even speak and to some of you….spout off your filth…remember that. Everyday. Not just when you happen to wear a poppy on Remembrance Day.
  • Social media is powerful and with power comes responsibility. Hold yourself accountable and ask the question “Would I say this to someone’s face? If not, stick those thumbs of yours somewhere else.

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Mixed Bag

Hey guys 🙂

I hope you’re all doing well ❤

Today, I have no real topic to present to you. Just me kinda talking about…well…stuff.

*Warning* It’s going to be really random…

Let’s see… Things have been going pretty good lately. No major bipolar episodes which is great. Sometimes I worry about that with the change of the season. Not sure if anyone else experiences that but if I make a point to keep track, I find certain times of the year are more “bipolary” than others.

Job is stable! Finally a job that is stable. Anyone who lives with mental illness of any kind can probably relate to the difficulties of finding stability in that area of their lives in particular.

For awhile there I was job hopping to the point I honestly just felt like a failure. I see people sticking to their jobs for years. They seem to be able to handle all the crap that comes with a job and I was barely making the first 3 months. For various reasons but bipolar disorder certainly played its part.

In a perfect world, I would like to quit smoking. Yes, I smoke. I know it’s bad. I don’t like that I smoke…yet I really don’t want to stop…yet I do…*sigh*

I have been missing church way more than I care to. The last time I missed church this much I was going through some major depression but since then I have just found it really difficult to get back into the swing of things.

That being said, regardless of church, I could stand to be saying my prayers more often. I don’t really “pray” I just sort of talk to God in my head. I don’t hear any voices reply so I figure that’s a good sign my mental health is fairly stable lol but God always responds to my prayers. I love God for that. He’s more action than talk. Sometimes He doesn’t act right away but on the bright side, it makes me exercise patience and faith. God acts when it truly counts.<3

You know what’s nice? Being in a relationship where big blow out fights are NOT the norm. Not even close. I was starting to think that didn’t exist. When you finally pull yourself out of that vicious cycle of constantly picking the wrong apples, you realize just how much of that can exasperate bipolar symptoms. Now that I am finally in a stable, loving relationship, sometimes I forget I even have bipolar disorder…of course I get reminders but not nearly as bad as before.

Regardless of your mental state…make a point to surround yourself with the right people…seriously, it makes a huge difference.

I keep a very small, tight knit circle of people around me. Mainly my family. This is in part because of the burns I suffered as a functioning alcoholic ( I was going to say borderline alcoholic but looking back, who am I kidding?)

I thought that the karaoke bar flies I mingled with were truly my friends…then one day I realized…I don’t know these people outside of the bar. I don’t know them by day or sober…I say and do stupid crap thinking it’s all fun and games. At the time, I thought my social life was truly booming. Oh yeah…I was the bees knees in my drunken book…

When I look back at that time, I don’t even know who that girl was…I’m past being ashamed about it but it’s still cringe worthy.

Not really sure why I brought that up but maybe I am working through my writer’s block in real time…like I said, this is going to be random lol

Speaking of random, is it just me or does Earl Grey tea smell like Fruit Loops? I love both ❤

Also, I have a confession to make…I’m a nerd. A gamer to be exact. My finance and I recently bought Elder Scrolls Online for our PS4…I loooove this game. ❤ If you are a fellow gamer and you don’t have Elder Scrolls Online, you are seriously missing out. Of course you have to be into MMORPG (Massive Multi Player Online Role Playing Game). Fellow nerds and gamers will totally get what I am saying here…the rest of you…just ignore this section of the post lol.

I promise this randomness is not mania by the way. I am on my night shift right now and totally bored. Super glad I enjoy writing. It passes the time and is therapeutic for me. A win win.

Speaking of therapeutic, music does the trick as well. I love when I am alone and can crank up the tunes and sign along…sometimes I do a little dance…it’s me time and something no one will ever witness lol

Music videos however…wow are they getting rather umm…demonic in nature. Like what is with all the devil worship? I feel like music videos have become rather pornographic with a dash of Illuminati symbolism…ok not a dash…blatant. I can’t be the only one who sees this…Like not long ago I saw Taylor Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do” video and all I can say is…who made you go from “Teardrops On My Guitar” to umm…that?

And does anyone remember Kesha’s “Die Young” video? Super catchy tune but wow nothing like a santanic ritual to spice things up. It’s like all these pop songs have a very addictive melody while you watch…well… satan worship for lack of a better term and now she’s singing songs about praying and such… I’m confused…are we being brainwashed perhaps?

I guess at this point I need to stop rambling but I will leave you with this recap and words of wisdom:

  1. Know that God is watching over you. Always ❤
  2. Keep your friends close and your enemies as far away as possible.
  3. A healthy environment makes ALL the difference.
  4. If you live with mental illness or someone you care about does, keep the lines of communication open. It’s hard sometimes but it can literally save your life.
  5. The change of the seasons can affect mental illness. Be mindful of this.
  6. Don’t watch music videos? I’ll let you decide on that one.
  7. Earl Grey tea really does smell like Fruit Loops. I have decided this just now. Case closed.
  8. Being a nerd is OK. Embrace it ❤
  9. Smoking is bad…if you’re a smoker like me…I get it. It’s bad but don’t worry, you’re not ❤
  10. Taylor Swift went to the dark side…she said it herself “The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, cause she’s dead.”
  11. I love to sing and dance to music…when I’m alone…like totally alone lol
  12. This randomness is brought to you by night shift boredom. I hope it was somewhat entertaining/informative.

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle