Words As A Weapon

Hey guys 🙂

So yeah need to get this one out. This is something I personally won’t stand for and so I have decided to not just write about it but put my face on it because I’m passionate about this one…

 

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

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Owning What I Got

Hey guys 🙂

Soooo kind of bored right now and after watching some YouTube videos, I was inspired to make another. Tired of the fact that body image issues are still a thing in 2017 and so I decided to rise above my personal fears about my own body image as a way to hopefully inspire others to do the same 🙂 ❤

 

 

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

Blogging and Christmas and Babies!

Hey guys 🙂

Phew! So lots going on and as we enter into the Christmas season. I know there are some of us already stressing but I am here to help bring myself and hopefully you back down to earth! 🙂

 

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

What About The “About” Page?

Hey guys 🙂

Taking the night off as far as delving into a deep topic post but that being said, one thing I noticed about my blog this morning is that my “about” page was in need of some TLC and so I revamped it and thought I would share 🙂

About Me

After making some adjustments, it made me realize that I visit blogs all the time with no “about” page and I have always wondered why bloggers neglect such a good opportunity to make a first impression and connect with other bloggers.

I am far from a blogging pro but I feel like this one section of your blog should be completed before anything else. I want to know a little bit about you first before I dive into your writing…feed my curiosity! I want to get to know you 😀

So yeah, I guess if I had a blogging tip to throw out there it would be to make an “about” page. It sets the tone for your whole blog and well worth the effort 🙂

Take Care and God Bless ❤

Cavelle

The Fear Of Making The Wrong Decision

Hey guys 🙂

So in my last two posts, I talked about why you should treat your life like a business and I also discussed a more sensitive topic about why I don’t want to have children.

Today, I want to expand on my “Why You Need To Start Treating Your Life Like A Business” post and delve into a more Christian version of that because personally, I need to get back in touch with the man upstairs (AKA God).

I alluded to the fact that the last week or so has been especially trying. It’s moments like this where it’s so easy for me to get caught up in the stress of it all and forget that God is looking out for me. He’s always there but it never hurts to acknowledge that.

Recently, my fiance had to make a tough decision. The truth is, from the outside looking in, the decision was clear but sometimes, the hesitation to take the high road can seem complicated.

Anxiety, stress, guilt, confusion and a lack of trust in our judgement can hinder the decision making process. It can paralyze us with fear because we become consumed with a question of worry –

What if I am making the wrong decision?

Ultimately, my fiance made the right decision for his well being and I am proud of him for setting boundaries and looking out for his mental and physical health. He put himself first for a change.

For many of us, putting ourselves first can be a challenge and I think for some of us “challenge” is an understatement . We feel guilt if we put ourselves first. We worry about ruffling feathers and more often than not, we stay in an unhealthy situation just to appease people who quite frankly, do not have our best interest at heart.

My fiance and I were discussing his recent decision and at that point he was still feeling guilt and worry but this is what I told him –

  1. The best decisions are usually the hardest to make.
  2. When we get a gut feeling that just won’t go away, that’s God talking to you. He’s trying to show you a better way and so he speaks to your heart until you listen and act on it.

I reminded my fiance and myself that keeping our faith strong needs to stay a top priority. When you look to God and acknowledge him in your life, you start to see he is everywhere.

If God does not exist, I will eat my shirt because based on my own life experiences, it’s a miracle sometimes that I am still standing. Even in my darkest days, my head has managed to stay above water, just barely at times but I have always managed to get back up and fight another day.

I have God to thank for that. ❤

Regardless of what or who you believe in, I have always felt that having a spiritual faith of sorts is so important. What a bleak and depressing path we walk without hope and faith by our side.

When I need to make a tough life decision, I talk to God about it and I love to go online and look up Bible verses for guidance related to my situation.

For this particular topic I found this Bible verse that speaks to me and I hope it speaks to you too –

Proverbs 3:6

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Short and sweet. I have grown to love Proverbs as I find the passages there are so direct and relevant to the world we live in today. The book of Proverbs doesn’t candy coat things and accepts no excuses from us.

I always seem to find the guidance I need there.

I wonder sometimes why we resist God’s path for us. We say we believe and trust in God to watch over us but many times we just have to complicate the path, take a bunch of detours and then finally come to the conclusion our gut was right all along and why didn’t we just listen to it sooner.

When I think of all the times I have done that, I imagine God up there in the clouds smacking his forehead like a parent who tries to tell their kid “Don’t touch the stove it’s hot” but they just have to do the opposite and ultimately learn the hard way.

I used to say the only way I know how to learn is the hard way but overtime I have realized, why learn the hard way all the time? I suppose being in my 30’s I am starting to become more aware of the fact that I am a mere mortal not destined to live forever so why on earth am I wasting time on this sort of thing?

Proverbs 12:11

Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.

Amen Proverbs. When we avoid making the decision we knew all along needed to be made, I think that counts as a worthless pursuit.

Oh, and let’s not forget James. He has an excellent point I need to share regarding this topic –

James 4:17

So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

The book of James is similar to Proverbs with it’s unapologetic, to the point words of wisdom and I have started to look there as well for guidance.

When it comes to making life decisions, I don’t think it’s a matter of “right” or “wrong” but more of a “How hard do you want to make this journey?” I believe God will guide us regardless and we will ultimately reach our destination if we hold him in our hearts but I liken decision making to booking a flight –

Do you want the cheaper flight with tons of layovers or the direct flight? Sure, the direct flight may cost you more upfront but you get to where you’re going twice as fast with less mess…usually lol

*I think you get the general idea with that analogy so let’s keep it simple and pretend airlines stay on schedule all the time. 😉 *

In closing, I encourage you to face your fears head on and listen to your gut. Act on it sooner rather than later. Make the decision that is right for YOU because God is not out to make your life miserable.

God is our gut feeling. Trust him. Pass your worries over to him because the more you avoid doing what’s right for you, the louder God will speak in order to get your attention.

He’s not trying to punish you, he’s trying to make you “get it”. He’s giving you a shake because he doesn’t want to see bad things for you. He wants to walk with you so hold his hand and let God lead the way. ❤

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

Why I Don’t Want Children

Hey guys 🙂

I already wrote a post earlier but it’s been a rather slow night here on my night shift. I refuse to be bored, so I turn to my writing for comfort.

As a lady in my early/entering mid 30’s (I’ll be 34 in December) it seems that society encourages that I should really get on that baby train soon or I might miss it.

I need to stress before I go any further, this post is not about hating on mothers or children for that matter, it’s just for some of us, children are not in the cards.

For some, the reasons for not having children are beyond control and for others like me, it’s a conscious decision.

Let me also make note of the fact, that I consider myself to have been a mother already. When I was younger I had a miscarriage. It was a very difficult time.

The relationship I was in was not healthy/abusive and when I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend at the time didn’t seem all that shocked.

Did I mention that he admitted to getting me pregnant on purpose two weeks after I found out and right before I would be starting college?

Apparently, this was suppose to bring us “closer together”. I suppose you are questioning how could my ex have gotten me pregnant on purpose. Was there no birth control? Sigh, there was not at the time but there was trust (in that respect)…or at least there was suppose to be.

Miscarriages are all too common unfortunately but the loss is real and you never stop wondering about your child who could have been.

Before I found out I was pregnant, there was one night when my girlfriends and I decided to have a girls night out. I remember my boyfriend at the time was putting up a fuss that I wanted to go but I thought he was just being a jerk as things between us had been on a downward spiral for some time and so I went out, had drinks and a grand ole time.

This event would be thrown back in my face.

After my miscarriage, I had little support emotionally and otherwise from him.

One night, we had a huge argument regarding the event and in the heat of the moment he told me that I wouldn’t have lost the baby had I had stayed home that night.

To this day, that statement can still sting. That statement would keep me in a state of guilt and depression for some time.

How could he have the audacity to blame me when he knew before I left that night what he had already done?

The choice to have a baby was not mine in this case and despite that, I was excited and prepared to carry to term.

But the choice to keep the baby was taken from me. This would prove to be for the best but at the time it was devastating.

I felt violated, betrayed and I also felt completely out of control. Decisions were made for me without any consideration.

Not a good feeling.

My miscarriage experience landed me in the emergency room. I was hemorrhaging at a dangerous rate and there are some parts of that event that are still so vivid.

Two days before Christmas…five days before my birthday…

So yes, a rather dark story but the good news is, I persevered through that time in my life. ❤

For the most part, I have made peace with it all but it took a long time and sometimes it still haunts me 10 years later.

You never forget something like that but it is possible to move forward.

I have spent the majority of my life making the same mistakes over and over again. I spent the majority of my life mentally ill, unaware that I had bipolar disorder.

It has only been in the last year that I have truly started to get my life together and I have to tell you, this new found freedom, this healthier me, I love it and I want nothing or no one to interfere with that…and yes that includes children.

I don’t think I need to tell you that having a child is a lifelong commitment and while I will not argue with people the fact that kids are life changing and there’s nothing like it, that’s kind of my point. It is life changing, it is a huge commitment and if I am truly honest with myself, I want to commit to me for once.

I want my freedom.

I am not willing to commit to having a child. Is that selfish of me to say?

As a woman, sometimes you think people will frown upon that statement but I would rather be honest then cave to social pressures, use my body for it’s biological purpose but ultimately grow to resent my child in the process.

Speaking of social pressures, having a kid in this world we live in today?

No thanks.

I personally feel like the world is full of so much PC rhetoric that I honestly want no part of having to juggle a kid along with that…I read all these stories about the issues parents have had to deal with at their kid’s school for example…I don’t have patience for such things and I refuse to allow myself or my hypothetical child for that matter, get caught up in crap like that.

I have mentioned having bipolar disorder. My father and brother also have bipolar disorder. There is a hereditary component to the illness and personally, I don’t like the idea of putting my child at risk for that.

Sure, I would be able to see the signs faster than most and have it treated much earlier but again, if I am being honest, I have enough of a time taking care of myself in that department. I am not sure I could or want to handle having children based on that.

OK, so now for an obvious reason.

My husband to be had a vasectomy during a previous relationship so that kind of takes children off the table. I think in some cases the procedure can be reversed but as it turns out my fiance and I are both on the same page here so it’s really a non issue for us.

We have lived similar lives and we both feel the need to focus on ourselves and each other. We have stability in our lives and we’re really not willing to rock that boat. We get by financially and we’re comfortable for once.

Another reason I would rather not have a child…they cost a ton of money that would tip the financial scales out of our favor. I am not about to have a child I am not financially prepared for.

That being said, I love children. I am an aunt of 3 nephews, 1 niece and 1 niece on the way in November. I love being the cool aunt. ❤ I love being a mentor.

So I may not want children of my own but I certainly love the idea of being there for children who have been cast aside. It’s an epidemic and one that just should not be.

I can see myself one day adopting perhaps or even being a foster parent. I would rather help and love the children (so many) who are already here with no family, no place to turn, no love and security, than bring a new child into this world.

I don’t prefer to be a mother in the traditional sense but I feel I can certainly be a mother of sorts to children who really need one.

I will always advocate for children. ❤

They didn’t ask to be brought into this world and so it’s our duty as a society (I feel) to take care of the innocent before creating new innocents.

Again, this is not to “mom shame” anyone but we all have a story and this one happens to be mine. I know there are many women like myself afraid to speak up about the other side of the fence because it seems to be assumed that all women want to be mothers and that is simply just not true and I am here to tell you –

 

That is perfectly OK. ❤

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why You Need To Start Treating Your Life Like A Business

Hey guys 🙂

Wow. What a week it has been. I will spare you the details because I would end up spending all my time talking about it and personally, I just want to move forward and look for the silver linings. 🙂

The week I have had ties into what I want to touch on today. So I will start with this question –

What if we lived our lives as if we were running a business?

I have pondered this question many times and have even applied this concept to my own life and I have to say, it’s rather effective.

If you were to start a “life ledger” what would it look like? Is the business that is you generating a surplus or are you finding yourself in the red more than you’d care to be?

In my mind, a life ledger would be quite basic and look something like this:

  • Assets – What do you and the people around you, bring into your life that is positive? Are there enough assets to cover the liabilities in your life?
  • Liabilities –  We all have responsibilities in life. That will never change but I imagine there are many of you who, if you looked at your life ledger right now would see you take on more liabilities than is necessary. This can make or break the business that is you.

Starting today, it’s time to balance the books. For the sake of the business, we need to start letting go of some of the liabilities we have taken on .

The numbers don’t lie.

If your life is currently in the red, look at your ledger. Perhaps you will start to see some patterns.

I certainly have past liabilities that needed to go as it almost put me out of business more than once.

A good source of our life income comes from the connections we make with other people. Anyone who runs a literal business will tell you that connections count and keep a business afloat.

No clients, no business.

However, some clients can in fact hurt your business. You spend all your time and energy on this particular client yet the return on that investment turns out to be a waste of time.

This client keeps the purse strings tight and are high maintenance. Their loyalty to your business only benefits them, not you.

This is hands down a liability and whether you believe it or not, this is one liability you can scratch off your books ASAP.

They are not helping your business, they are sucking you dry and that time and energy could be better spent making room for a new client who is willing to work with you and for you.

This kind of client truly appreciates your service and you appreciate their business.

Do you see how this concept can easily be applied to our lives? Do you have that long time friend, significant other or even family member that you’ve hung on to simply because they have been part of the furniture for so long?

Ask yourself. How is this person an asset to my life? Why am I going into debt over this person? In some cases that question can be asked quite literally.

If you find yourself pausing to answer that question, then I challenge you to dust off your life ledger and look for the patterns.

For example, if this person was on your bank statement, chances are they would show up as multiple, micro transactions.

Useless spending.

These micro transactions add up and if we’re not paying attention to them we can lose out big time and not even know why…until we look  honestly at the numbers.

This can also apply to your current job. In this case we’re talking real numbers but it all ties into the business that is you.

Are you unhappy with your job? Is showing up to work everyday with dread worth the paycheck?

Is the time you invest into your job paying off for you or for everyone else?

Let’s say you work 8 hours a day for a modest pay. That modest pay in most cases is going to everyone but you. The time you invest into your job is many times an expense on your life ledger.

You get paid and pay the bills and if you are not happy with your job on top of that, what is left for you exactly?

Many of us fall into the trap of believing that if we can just get our finances in order everything else will fall into place but honestly, how often does that truly work out?

The truth is, we need to get our life in order. Have you ever thought that perhaps if you did that first your financial struggles would in fact resolve themselves or at the very least, improve?

Some of you may think I’m a bit bonkers to suggest you stop looking at your bank account and look to your life ledger first but the way I see it, perhaps you struggle financially because you haven’t balanced your life ledger.

Therefore, you may be making poor decisions (financial included) due to a lack of life assets.

If we reverse that, you may see that by taking care of you first, you are in a better position mentally and emotionally for making better overall decisions, have the confidence to take on a better job opportunity for example instead of convincing yourself that leaving your steady, yet totally depressing job is the only way.

Make yourself an asset! We are our own worst enemy sometimes. Don’t be your own liability on top of the ones you already juggle.

Now for those of you protesting that the bills need to get paid and you have children to support, I get you. I am not saying to go into work tomorrow and just go down in a ball of flames, yelling something about your life ledger to your boss…lol please don’t do that.

What I am saying, is that it is not too late to come up with a life plan and in this case, a financial plan that will truly be to the benefit of your business.

It’s a cliche job interview question but where do you see yourself in 5 years? If you can’t answer that question, what has prevented you from setting goals which will benefit your future?

Setting goals that benefit you both personally and financially, will ultimately benefit the ones you care about most and in return, the ones you care about are better able to support you and help to keep your life business grow and stay strong.

It’s never too late to balance the book of life but in order to do that, we need to read the numbers and accept them for what they are. No more grey areas. No more fudging the numbers to make them balance. Accept the entry errors as errors and correct them. Question the imbalances instead of simply writing them off.

Sometimes, this will involve making tough decisions but if you were running a real business and the decision was the difference between staying in business or not…the decision wouldn’t be all that hard. What business wants to shut down?

So apply that concept to yourself. You will find that by taking this approach, the liabilities that are risking your life business will stick out like a sore thumb. It will be obvious what cuts need to be made and it is my hope that if this post speaks to you, you will open up that life ledger and get down to business! ❤

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle