Mania In The Moment

Hey guys šŸ™‚

I hope you’re all doing well. ā˜ŗ

Writing about what mania is like is nothing new. I have touched on it before but I have never actually written about it while experiencing it at the same time so today I want to give a true glimpse into my manic experience while it’s fresh.

For me, my bouts of mania are not nearly as frequent as they used to be. Things are more or less under control. I have bipolar 2 disorder so the mania for me fits the hypomania category. It’s less intense.


The fact I can recognize my own manic state is something I never thought I would be able to do but when you manage to stabilize something like bipolar disorder you can start to see the symptoms of it a lot easier. Not always…it can kind of creep up on you but yeah definitely manic right now.

So how do I know? Well, it all started about two weeks ago when I got off track with my medication.

It started with strep throat and the antibiotics I took for it. It hindered the effects of my medication. Basically, it felt like I wasn’t taking any medication for my disorder but strep throat needed to go and so I just kind of dealt with it.

I felt “off” for days because of it but not so much manic at that point.

Then, I ran out of my medication entirely. It’s happened before but this time I just found myself busy and reeling from the holidays and illness. I simply forgot to refill my prescription at first. The medication I take, when you stop suddenly it’s not instantly noticeable. At least not for me and besides that, I take a second medication for generalized anxiety disorder which I believe helped make the withdrawal from the first medication less noticeable.

Then our town was hit with a winter storm. That delayed things further. By the time I did pick up my medication though, it was obvious I needed it. I got that foggy, can’t put a sentence together,Ā  muscle spasm thing that I always get in my arms whenever withdrawal happens.

Basically I felt like a zombie.

I took my medication but forgot one tiny thing. I take Lamotrigine and that is one medication that you have to increase very slowly. It only has a half life of 24 to 30 hours approximately.

I forgot that fact and took the full dose when I technically had to start the dosing process all over again as if taking it for the first time.

The day I picked up my medication it was not even 9 AM and I insisted with my better half that I must go to the dollar store for craft supplies. This was because the night before, I spent half my night on Pinterest obsessing over mosaic art and crafts and was suddenly inspired and felt that I too must create such beauty.

I couldn’t even wait at that point to hit the dollar store. I started taking old cds and cutting them up, determined to make my mosaic masterpiece and that’s when I realized I had no glue…I tried making glue from flour and water (fyi it didn’t work) then I tried electrical tape…I could not wait it was suddenly very important.

Finally I did give up and stayed up the rest of the night. When the sun finally came up I started pestering my husband to take me to the dollar store.

We had to stop at other stores first and I was crawling out of my skin waiting for my husband as he browsed around. Normally I would gladly browse with him but this time I was snappy, rushing him and even felt anxiety and stress that he didn’t seem to be getting to the dollarstore fast enough.

When I did get to the dollarstore I beelined it for the craft section like a junkie looking for a fix.

I was in heaven. I suddenly had a million creative ideas and when I got to the counter to pay, I certainly went over that 20 dollar budget I promised I would stick to.

When I got home, I got down to business…and I didn’t stop. I spent the entire day crafting. I couldn’t stop looking at my creation and taking pictures of it…tweaking it until it was what I perceived to be perfection….this has been going on for the last two days and finally just started to calm down somewhat today.

Now I find myself here not being able to type about it fast enough.

No sleep…intense need to create and spend money on craft supplies…is that dangerous? No. Honestly as I read what I have written, I find it funny actually. Of course it’s funny. Everything is in this state. That’s another thing about mania,nothing can get you down…

What I know despite my mental state right now is things will come down. It’s already happening because that’s what always happens. The mania is never long term…sometimes I wish that it was because honestly it’s an awesome feeling. You have the energy 10 people drinking red bull and lightening focus, it’sĀ  just it never lasts long enough to truly accomplish anything long term.

Mania is like a car salesmen getting you hyped up enough to buy an expensive sports car when you’re normally a minivan person but you fall for the pitch and you find yourself driving that sportscar as fast as you can and then just as you hit the highway the wheels start coming off and you have to pull over or crash entirely.

That’s what mania is in the moment for me…I will read this back to myself later and probably feel embarrassed I wrote about it but in this case maybe it will help someone understand mania or confirm it for someone.

Take Care & God Bless ā¤



Wow! Thank You!

Hey guys šŸ™‚

So despite the fact I have not written in this blog since mid November, there are still people finding, reading and following this blog ā¤

That warms my heart! But umm, it also leaves me wondering what I should do lol. As you know from the last post I left here, I ventured off into new territory with a second blog called A Christian In Bloom.

The theme there as the name suggests, is faith based and focuses on my ever growing walk with God.

I have been taking things at a slow pace and I thought perhaps of closing down Mental Break – In Progress altogether…I did that once before during a difficult time in my life and I soon came to regret it.

Mental Break – In Progress has been my baby since 2014. I can’t seem to shake it and I don’t really want to.

It is clear to me that despite ignoring this blog for 2 months, the topic of mental illness is what I have always known it to be –

An important one.

So now I find myself back here once more and at a crossroads. Do I run two separate blogs? Do I mesh them together somehow?

Part of my back on forth on this is I want to reach people on more than one level. I know not everyone out there is a Christian or believes in God or even a higher power for that matter but despite that, I know there are many, many people who need to connect on the topic of mental illness and well, I know that topic quite well and I’m passionate about helping people regardless of their beliefs because no one deserves to walk the road of mental illness alone. ā¤

On the other hand, my faith over the last year or so has grown leaps and bounds. I still struggle with it, all the time in fact but this transformation I have been going through is by far the most important one to date and so as I transform so does my writing.

So in light of all I have said just now and also in light of a new year, I guess it’s time to go to the drawing board and figure this out. As I write this some ideas come to mind already but honestly, if you have any feedback to give, this bipolar Christian would be most grateful to you! šŸ™‚

Take Care & God Bless ā¤




Words As A Weapon

Hey guys šŸ™‚

So yeah need to get this one out. This is something I personally won’t stand for and so I have decided to not just write about it but put my face on it because I’m passionate about this one…



Take Care & God Bless ā¤



Owning What I Got

Hey guys šŸ™‚

Soooo kind of bored right now and after watching some YouTube videos, I was inspired to make another. Tired of the fact that body image issues are still a thing in 2017 and so I decided to rise above my personal fears about my own body image as a way to hopefully inspire others to do the same šŸ™‚ ā¤




Take Care & God Bless ā¤



Blogging and Christmas and Babies!

Hey guys šŸ™‚

Phew! So lots going on and as we enter into the Christmas season. I know there are some of us already stressing but I am here to help bring myself and hopefully you back down to earth! šŸ™‚



Take Care & God Bless ā¤



What About The “About” Page?

Hey guys šŸ™‚

Taking the night off as far as delving into a deep topic post but that being said, one thing I noticed about my blog this morning is that my “about” page was in need of some TLC and so I revamped it and thought I would share šŸ™‚

About Me

After making some adjustments, it made me realize that I visit blogs all the time with no “about” page and I have always wondered why bloggers neglect such a good opportunity to make a first impression and connect with other bloggers.

I am far from a blogging pro but I feel like this one section of your blog should be completed before anything else. I want to know a little bit about you first before I dive into your writing…feed my curiosity! I want to get to know you šŸ˜€

So yeah, I guess if I had a blogging tip to throw out there it would be to make an “about” page. It sets the tone for your whole blog and well worth the effort šŸ™‚

Take Care and God Bless ā¤



The Fear Of Making The Wrong Decision

Hey guys šŸ™‚

So in my last two posts, I talked about why you should treat your life like a business and I also discussed a more sensitive topic about why I don’t want to have children.

Today, I want to expand on my “Why You Need To Start Treating Your Life Like A Business” post and delve into a more Christian version of that because personally, I need to get back in touch with the man upstairs (AKA God).

I alluded to the fact that the last week or so has been especially trying. It’s moments like this where it’s so easy for me to get caught up in the stress of it all and forget that God is looking out for me. He’s always there but it never hurts to acknowledge that.

Recently, my fiance had to make a tough decision. The truth is, from the outside looking in, the decision was clear but sometimes, the hesitation to take the high road can seem complicated.

Anxiety, stress, guilt, confusion and a lack of trust in our judgement can hinder the decision making process. It can paralyze us with fear because we become consumed with a question of worry –

What if I am making the wrong decision?

Ultimately, my fiance made the right decision for his well being and I am proud of him for setting boundaries and looking out for his mental and physical health. He put himself first for a change.

For many of us, putting ourselves first can be a challenge and I think for some of us “challenge” is an understatement . We feel guilt if we put ourselves first. We worry about ruffling feathers and more often than not, we stay in an unhealthy situation just to appease people who quite frankly, do not have our best interest at heart.

My fiance and I were discussing his recent decision and at that point he was still feeling guilt and worry but this is what I told him –

  1. The best decisions are usually the hardest to make.
  2. When we get a gut feeling that just won’t go away, that’s God talking to you. He’s trying to show you a better way and so he speaks to your heart until you listen and act on it.

I reminded my fiance and myself that keeping our faith strong needs to stay a top priority. When you look to God and acknowledge him in your life, you start to see he is everywhere.

If God does not exist, I will eat my shirt because based on my own life experiences, it’s a miracle sometimes that I am still standing. Even in my darkest days, my head has managed to stay above water, just barely at times but I have always managed to get back up and fight another day.

I have God to thank for that. ā¤

Regardless of what or who you believe in, I have always felt that having a spiritual faith of sorts is so important. What a bleak and depressing path we walk without hope and faith by our side.

When I need to make a tough life decision, I talk to God about it and I love to go online and look up Bible verses for guidance related to my situation.

For this particular topic I found this Bible verse that speaks to me and I hope it speaks to you too –

Proverbs 3:6

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Short and sweet. I have grown to love Proverbs as I find the passages there are so direct and relevant to the world we live in today. The book of Proverbs doesn’t candy coat things and accepts no excuses from us.

I always seem to find the guidance I need there.

I wonder sometimes why we resist God’s path for us. We say we believe and trust in God to watch over us but many times we just have to complicate the path, take a bunch of detours and then finally come to the conclusion our gut was right all along and why didn’t we just listen to it sooner.

When I think of all the times I have done that, I imagine God up there in the clouds smacking his forehead like a parent who tries to tell their kid “Don’t touch the stove it’s hot” but they just have to do the opposite and ultimately learn the hard way.

I used to say the only way I know how to learn is the hard way but overtime I have realized, why learn the hard way all the time? I suppose being in my 30’s I am starting to become more aware of the fact that I am a mere mortal not destined to live forever so why on earth am I wasting time on this sort of thing?

Proverbs 12:11

Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.

Amen Proverbs. When we avoid making the decision we knew all along needed to be made, I think that counts as a worthless pursuit.

Oh, and let’s not forget James. He has an excellent point I need to share regarding this topic –

James 4:17

So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

The book of James is similar to Proverbs with it’s unapologetic, to the point words of wisdom and I have started to look there as well for guidance.

When it comes to making life decisions, I don’t think it’s a matter of “right” or “wrong” but more of a “How hard do you want to make this journey?” I believe God will guide us regardless and we will ultimately reach our destination if we hold him in our hearts but I liken decision making to booking a flight –

Do you want the cheaper flight with tons of layovers or the direct flight? Sure, the direct flight may cost you more upfront but you get to where you’re going twice as fast with less mess…usually lol

*I think you get the general idea with that analogy so let’s keep it simple and pretend airlines stay on schedule all the time. šŸ˜‰ *

In closing, I encourage you to face your fears head on and listen to your gut. Act on it sooner rather than later. Make the decision that is right for YOU because God is not out to make your life miserable.

God is our gut feeling. Trust him. Pass your worries over to him because the more you avoid doing what’s right for you, the louder God will speak in order to get your attention.

He’s not trying to punish you, he’s trying to make you “get it”. He’s giving you a shake because he doesn’t want to see bad things for you. He wants to walk with you so hold his hand and let God lead the way. ā¤


Take Care & God Bless ā¤