Some Of You Are Not Going To Like This And I Don’t Care.

 

Hey guys 🙂

So after giving it some thought, I am keeping Mental Break In Progress as is. If you have been keeping up, I recently wrote a post about writer’s block and not knowing what direction I want to take my blog etc etc.

That being said, I have decided I am just going to write about whatever and let things take their own natural direction instead of trying to force one so get ready to be taken on a ride lol

First, I am sitting here on my night shift after a very frustrating check in process ( I work in a hotel) It delayed my audit by literally hours and I am still fuming from it. Don’t you get tired of feeling like the only person who gives a crap about doing their job and doing it right?

Lord, give me patience…

OK there.That’s out of my system but oh I am so not done…this is where the real rant begins…

Today I read an article titled “Periods are not just for women” Article in a nutshell? Another transgender protest and I for one am so sick of this ever growing checklist of rules we’re expected to follow with this whole LGBTQRSTUVWXYZ trend/agenda.

If you’re a woman and you want to be a man…then fine. Be a man. But now that you are a man don’t you dare try to take away a biological function that makes me a woman. You can’t have it both ways! Figure it out. Sex is biological not an idea that you have in your head. I am a woman. I have a menstrual cycle because I am a woman. If you want to be a man but you still have your lady parts, guess what? You’re a woman so deal with it.

I am done being nice about this topic. The only thing I understand is that people are seriously confused about their identity and now they are making it my problem when it’s not. I am a woman. I have accepted biologically and otherwise that I am a woman and I am quite OK with that. If you’re not OK with who you are and want to mess with God or mother nature etc….that is on YOU not me so don’t tell me how it’s going to be just because you are not OK with yourself. You are a tiny percentage of the population with mass media coverage that gives people the impression you are the majority and you expect everyone to conform to your ever changing rules of what it means to be a man or woman or nothing at all.

So yeah if you want me to be “sensitive” to your needs, look elsewhere. I am not even allowed to be a traditional woman anymore. Apparently periods are for everyone! And to males wanting to be women and complaining about the lack of acceptance, that is so sexist in it’s own right. You are late to the game my friend. Try being a woman from birth and putting up with with all the struggles women have had to go through just to be a biological woman and then get back to me. You think you can just switch body parts and poof! You’re a woman and you get it?…you have no idea and it’s insulting to say the least.

And to those of you who only want to be addressed as “they” or whatever ( the list is so long I can’t keep up) I give up. What else do you want?

I am so sick of reading crap like this and being made to feel like I am the bad guy because I want to stay the way I am. It’s like being traditional in any way is frowned upon and the fact that I am Christian on top of it makes me that much more the enemy of today’s messed up society.

The whole agenda is so confusing that I give up. I am done trying to be understanding and sensitive. In a generation where conformity is so passe, I refuse to conform to this…whatever it is.

So call me a bigot, call me every name in the book. I stand by what God gave me and that’s my right just as it is your right to mess with your identity. Get over yourself and stop forcing your agenda on everyone. It’s getting super old.

End Rant. Drop the mic. Have your say, but I for one, am walking away.

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

PS: Please feel free to comment on either side but know in advance I am very set on my stance so if you’re trying to “educate” me it’s a lost cause. This post is a statement and not a debate but feel free to try. I figure I should just be honest about that.

 

 

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The Reason We’re Obsessed With Animals And Not God.

Hey Guys 🙂

In the age of social media, we probably read more stories and see more pictures of animals than ever before.

Why is that?

I don’t know the exact answer but I do have my own theory.

Besides children, animals are the most innocent creatures on the planet. In a world that seems to be going to hell in a hand basket, there is not much left out there that is pure.

I feel that many of us cling to the pure innocence of animals (and children) as a way to cope with the world we live in today.

Animals are God’s creation. One we can see and hear. It’s tangible and since we are mere humans, we can’t help but see and hear to believe.

I for one am a huge animal lover. I fully admit that. When I see videos about dogs for example that have been abused and nursed back to health I cry. When I see pictures and videos of animals doing adorable things, I feel warm and fuzzy.

Animals have been known to provide healing for those of us suffering from illness in multiple forms.

Animals love unconditionally.

That is my theory in a nutshell and now I want to take a detour on the subject…

If we can extend that kind of love and adoration to animals, children and the like, why is it so many of us turn our backs to God? Why are so many of us on the fence or not even close to the fence at all regarding His presence?

God is the most pure, most divine, most loving. He is the Alpha and Omega. He is the healer. He loves us despite our sins. Animals are simply an extension of that in the physical form.

Everything we see around us – children, nature, animals. That is God’s doing! He knows the destiny of this earth. He understands more than anyone the suffering that the world endures now and that more is to come in the future. He has promised to deliver us from all of this.

We just have to believe.

So again, why do so many people turn their back with doubt and even spit at that notion?

Because we can’t see it. We can’t hear it but if you read the bible there are multiple accounts of  Jesus healing the literal blind and deaf through the power of God. They believed. They followed God’s instructions and they were healed and saved.

In fact, if you think God is not here in the physical form then in my opinion, you misunderstand that God is everywhere. You just have to open your heart. Stop thinking s assuming that God is a physical being. He is so much more than that. Quiet your mind and observe your surroundings. If you truly open your mind, heart and soul you will see God everyday.

God is the wind, the rain, the sun, the moon, the mountains, the ocean, the animals, the children…you have probably passed him on the street none the wiser.

He comes to us in all forms nudging us to acknowledge Him, to accept Him, to love Him as He does us…

Believe in Him.

We must trust God’s word and in an age where someone’s word doesn’t go far anymore, it’s understandable the doubts we may have that God is real and that He is coming back for us.

He is. ❤

So in closing, be careful when obsessing over God’s creation thinking it’s a separate entity and is in some way above God. Nothing on this earth is. Not even your own children for we here on earth are in fact His children. We are all created in His image and it’s time we start representing that more and more as the world grows dark.

Be the extension of God like the animals, nature and children. Embrace the purity, be the healer, the believer, the messenger.

Be obsessed with God in all that you do and you will see He is all around you always and forever. ❤

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

Fork In The Road

Hey guys 🙂

To my fellow bloggers, I have reached a point that I think every writer dreads. I am not sure what direction I want to take my blog.

I feel like I am all over the map. Do I really want to keep blogging about having bipolar disorder? Do I want to continue a Christian theme on top of it?

I’m not sure…

When I first started this blog I worked hard at it for 2 years. I had over 1000 followers and then I had a major life change. I was convinced I didn’t want to blog anymore and so I pressed the delete button…2 years of work…gone.

Some time passed and I realized I wanted to keep blogging so I started Mental Break In Progress from scratch and for the last year I feel I have fallen completely flat.

My blog used to have direction. A rather clear message but now I’m not sure what message I want to put out there and it’s frustrating. People used to be active on my blog. Conversations were the norm. Now I hear crickets.

Perhaps I have written myself into a corner. I read blogging tips and they all say to stick to a theme. Have a clear direction. Does it really have to be that way? What if I just want to talk about random things? I have seen very successful bloggers who do just that.

Sometimes I think because of the 180 I took in my life (for the better) I no longer relate to the person I was when I started this blog. I tried to keep the same theme going. I started the blog shortly after receiving my diagnoses of bipolar disorder because I needed an outlet and have always loved writing but I have grown so much since then.

I don’t have the dire need to constantly talk about it anymore yet I still consider it to be an important topic as I feel there needs to be open conversation about mental illness in general.

I’m at a point in my life where I have let go of a lot of baggage. I’m in a healthy relationship. A wonderful one. I am closer to my family than ever before and most importantly I have restored my faith. It’s stronger than ever. That being said, I am still kind of discovering this new me.

I see the silver linings. I thrive on the positive now. I don’t feel the need to rehash the trials of my past…but that was my writing mojo…ugh…think Cavelle…think!

The irony of it all is that I have more time to write than ever before. I work as a night auditor and so it’s pretty quiet with not much to do. I should be full of writing ammo.

I guess time will tell?

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

 

Letting Go Of “Daddy Issues”

Hey guys 🙂

I’m not exactly sure how I got to this topic but I think it’s one worth talking about.

The term “daddy issues” is usually directed towards women and their hot mess of past relationships…I should know, I would qualify as a women with said issues.

That being said, I don’t care for the term. It seems rather sexist in nature. A less than stellar father throws his daughter to the wolves and she has “daddy issues” yet it seems a man with the same type of father is extended some sympathy. Just my two cents.

The main point I want to make however is the fact that when the biological father dismisses his role it impacts the future of sons and daughters alike.

For example, my biological father was abusive towards my mother. Physically and emotionally. He was abusive in the same way towards me and my brothers. He cheated on my mother multiple times and ultimately his last cheating episode would be with my mother’s sister…yep…stay classy dad…

Oddly enough my father is still with my mother’s sister to this day and I can guarantee you she is being treated the same way my mother was…but hey she wanted him…she insisted on having him with no regard for anyone but herself…they deserve each other.

I have been home for a little over a year now and my father lives right here in this tiny town yet I have never crossed paths with him once…my brother had the “privilege”  of crossing paths with him at the mall one day…my father made brief eye contact and kept walking.

Despite this, I still wonder about my father. I feel that his current circumstances are a snowball of past ones.

My father had a very rough childhood. His father beat him, and when his mother ultimately left his father she would find herself  in a string of abusive relationships and would take my father along for the ride. No child should have to go through that.

Later in life, my father would be told he had what was then called manic depression. My father rejected this claim and never bothered to seek treatment. It’s unfortunate during that time, you still didn’t talk about things like mental illness.

I wonder what my father’s life would have been like if he had went ahead with treatment. At his core my father is not a bad person…he’s a lost one.

I have not spoken to or seen my father in nearly 13 years. I have a wonderful father figure in my life who I consider to be my father at this point. My mother managed to survive that whole ordeal and end up with a wonderful man. He’s wonderful to all of us and I have nothing but mad love for him ❤ It makes me happy to see my mother thrive after all she has been through. She deserves it and then some. ❤

That being said, I suppose I am somewhat traditional in nature. My father may have given up his title but he is still my father by blood. In between all the mess, my father and I did share some good times and I like to try and remember those little moments as opposed to all the negative ones.

I feel I managed to get some of his better traits. He is the type of man who will give you the clothes off his back. He used to have his own business repairing electronics and he was always good and fair to his customers. His people skills have always been through the roof and I like to think I inherited some of that.

My father is also incredibly smart…I like to think I got a little of that too.

He also introduced me to awesome music. Queen, CCR, Boston, Journey…the classics that I still love to this day.

Lastly, my father played an instrumental role in introducing me and my brother’s to God. We said our prayers with him at night. He would read the bible to us after supper. He was and I hope he still is, a firm believer in God and I sincerely hope God is watching over him.

I have to say both my parents play a part in my spiritual beliefs but I always felt like I had an extra bond with my father on that level.

I look at present day and I wonder when I will cross paths with my father again if ever. Perhaps at his funeral? Provided I even know about it. I know it sounds so morbid but when I do manage to talk about my father it’s always in past tense as if he has already passed away…

Fathers, don’t be a distant memory to your children. Don’t leave them with little moments that they will try to hang on to despite all you have put them through. Don’t let your past become your children’s.

I am not trying to take away the impact of a mother’s actions. It happens on both sides of the coin but there is something about a strong father including a father figure that is crucial to the development of a child. If you are a father with a difficult past, choose to rise above it and show your children what it really means to be a father. Be the one who breaks the cycle of abuse and start a new generation of healthy and happy adults…who will show their children the strong and awesome example you laid out for them ❤

Proverbs 20:7

The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link Party!

Hey guys 🙂

So I have not done this in awhile but I am in need of a good ole fashioned link party 🙂

I need to catch up with my reading and so I thought this would be the perfect way to do it.

Please feel free to share your posts here ( as many as you want) with me and I will be sure to stop by and visit 🙂

Who knows? Perhaps you will make some new connections 🙂

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

The Bright Side Of Bipolar Disorder

Hey guys 🙂

 

I imagine some of you are wondering what could be good about having bipolar disorder but I promise you it’s not all doom and gloom.

Today, I want to point out the silver lining.

Please note that it is not my goal to minimize the struggles of bipolar disorder and some of you are not going to relate to my positive points depending where you are on your personal journey but take note that this post is based on positives I have found in relation to my own bipolar disorder.

So without further adieu, here are the positives I have managed to take away from having bipolar disorder.

Resilience:

It’s safe to say that mental illness is not an easy road to navigate however, I choose to give myself credit for the fact that despite the landmines I have walked through in my life, I’m still standing.

Everyone has struggles in life mentally ill or not but when you take even the average BS life can dish out, throw mental illness into the mix and you have to work that much harder to rise above it.

I might not always get to where I’m going as quickly as other people but I wear my uphill climb in life as a badge of honor. I have worked hard to get to where I am today and no one can take that away from me.

Go ahead…try 😉

Since finding out I have bipolar disorder, I am actually more self aware than ever before. Although it’s difficult at times, I still manage to put one foot in front of the other. You can knock me down but I will get back up.

The whole “You’ve won the battle but I’ll win the war” kind of thing comes to mind.

Bouncing back does not always mean quickly but regardless, I bounce back and come out stronger than before.

Speaking of which….

Strength:

Nothing will test your strength quite like bipolar disorder. It’s a tricky game in which the rules always seem to be changing. You have to be able to adapt. It’s crucial if you plan to move forward and it requires you to dig deep and that requires a huge amount of mental and emotional strength.

When people use the phrase “Mind over matter” it makes me cringe a little. That’s easy to say when you have a healthy brain that can properly rationalize that thought, but what about when you have a brain that wants to take a sudden left turn when you’re insisting you want to go right?

It’s not fun.

Bipolar disorder is like taking countless detours to reach the same destination as everyone else but for me personally, the detours I have encountered are seen as an opportunity to grow as a person.

Having a proper diagnoses has really helped me to think of it that way because I know more about myself since discovering my mental illness. There is a name attached to the ups and downs now. My past makes more sense than it did before and with that knowledge alone I feel a sense of control and power over my life that I never had prior to my diagnoses.

Knowledge is indeed power.

Empathy:

I feel empathy comes to me quite naturally but I have to give partial credit to the fact I have bipolar disorder. I believe that people who live with a mental illness in general are the more capable of showing empathy in ways the average person can’t.

That being said, not all mental illnesses are created equal and there are in fact mental disorders that exist in which people cannot feel empathy for others at all but as I stated earlier, I am talking about my personal experience.

Given the circumstances, I love the fact I have found my voice. I am not afraid to go to deep, uncomfortable places with people and even myself…still working on myself…always a work in progress.

I don’t judge others right away (most of the time) because I can appreciate what it’s like to go through difficult times. I know what it’s like to feel like you have to hide certain things about yourself because you feel ashamed and I also know how hard, yet liberating it is to break through that barrier and I truly desire that liberation for others.

Super Hero Powers:

Bipolar disorder can be a real challenge when it comes to staying consistent but I can safely say if you happen to catch me during a manic phase, anything you can do I can do better! 😉

OK, that might be a tad arrogant of me but one advantage of having bipolar disorder in particular, is having that manic spurt that gives you the ability to shine like no other.

Although it can be dangerous to push the manic phase too hard, ( many people feel they can get away with no medication during this time…trust me…you can’t) the mild form of it can give you the energy to multitask circles around people.

You can function on 3 hours sleep, you’re the life of the party, you see the bigger picture and are psyched to just conquer life and own it.

Your creativity goes through the roof, and confidence? You bet your butt I have it in spades during that time. When it’s good, it’s really good.

Psychologist In The Making:

I am willing to bet that those of you who live with a mental illness will relate to this…

Before your diagnoses, you took countless quizzes, tests etc in order to diagnose yourself in some way. To find a sense of self. A place to fit in. Everything but go to an actual doctor ha ha.

The bright side? Before and even after a diagnoses, you know more about the human condition than most. Sure, you don’t have a masters in psychology, but you’re well versed on the subject which gives you an edge. It has helped me to read people more accurately and appreciate the human mind and how complex it is. I find the subject of psychology fascinating and consider it a valuable tool in the game of life.

Advocate:

No longer do I feel like a victim. I can take the hardships that come with bipolar disorder and use that to advocate and empower others. It allows for connections I would not have made otherwise.

I feel like I am part of the solution now instead of always being part of the problem. I can lend a voice and spark a conversation despite the stigma that’s still out there and touch someone who might be in need of support at the time. For me, that is an awesome feeling. ❤

In closing, life is truly what you make it whether you have a mental illness or not. The key is to never give up. Own who you are flaws and all and you will find people are more inclined to accept you…flaws and all.

Stay honest with yourself and others. Face your challenges and fears head on because in my opinion there is a certain beauty in that kind of pain. Pain forces change, growth and the power to rise above seemingly impossible odds.

I love and root for the underdog because their victory is that much sweeter. An underdog doesn’t squander the good things in life because they understand what a precious gift it is.

That is truly beautiful. You are beautiful. ❤

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

 

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The “What If” Train Stops Here

Hey guys 🙂

I hope you are all doing well. ❤

It’s the wee hours of the morning and I’m at work with some time to kill. I love the night shift. This is my favorite time to write so it’s a nice work/home balance!

I was kind of struggling with a topic to write about earlier ( go figure, nothing but time and I can’t think of  something to write about) but I have finally decided to talk about the “what if” we all dwell on at times and why it’s important to not get stuck on that train.

 

When I look back on my past, I cringe…not as bad as I used to but it still happens. That being said, I don’t regret anything about my past. It’s cliche I know, but my past has shaped me into the person I am today.

The only thing that haunts me at this point is the “what if” that lingers sometimes.

What if I had received my bipolar diagnoses earlier? I most likely would have hurt less people including myself.

I most likely would not have bounced around from job to job, unhealthy relationship to unhealthy relationship, spending money I didn’t have on things I really didn’t need like booze. I probably would have established roots as opposed to moving all over the country.

When I look back I can say “Hey! That wasn’t me!” but at the same time…that ticking time bomb was me.

I try very hard not to use my mental illness as a crutch or excuse for anything but I am finally getting to a point where I can look back and see that a huge part of the chaos and dysfunction that is my past was in fact part of an illness I was not truly aware of at the time.

This doesn’t mean I can simply write off my past actions. I have slowly but surely accepted the role I have played in my past. A hard pill to swallow. Harder than the ones I swallow now haha. I still have things I need to work on but don’t we all?

I was 29 when I received my bipolar diagnoses. I am 33 now and I feel like it’s only now that I am truly starting to live a healthy, stable life. It’s a relief and I am grateful.

But to be totally honest with you, I still have a slight, bitter taste in my mouth over the fact that nearly 30 years of my life was spent in total chaos and destruction. You can’t help but feel a little ripped off in the game of life.

I try not to hang on to that though. I know it’s not healthy. You can’t beat yourself up forever. I believe it’s never too late to be a better person and I have managed to more or less forgive myself for a lot of things. Still working on it.

Given I have only been in the post diagnoses stage for 4 years now, I have to give myself some credit. In the span of 4 years ( going on 5) I have had to relearn how to live a “normal” life. My brain was wired one way and it did nothing but damage. I would say this has only truly leveled out in the last year if you factor in the inital diagnoses, over a year of trial and error with medications, so so therapy and still in the process of weeding out unhealthy relationships at the time.

Fast forward to present day and I think the one thing I am finally ready to do aside from forgiving myself is fully accept the fact that I am mentally ill. When I first found out, I was relieved but you haven’t really accepted your fate at that point. A diagnoses does not solve the years of damage done. Receiving a diagnoses is the tip of the iceberg.

Then the real work begins.

I make a point to live in the moment (it doesn’t always work by the way but I try). I don’t drink like a fish anymore. I have reestablished my faith in God. I have found a wonderful man who offers true love, understanding and strength. I am finally in a position to reciprocate that. So I guess the only “what if” I need to look at now is…

“What if I stop reliving my past?”

There are always two sides of a coin. You can choose to torture yourself  with past mistakes and wonder what if or you can choose to be thankful that you are not your past in this current moment. The past is the past. It can’t hurt you anymore…so what if you choose to rise above it? I believe it’s never too late for that.

The best thing you can do for your well being and the well being of those you care about is to stay present. Forgive yourself. Learn from your past but don’t relive it. If  you do, you will:

  1. Never escape the past
  2. Miss out on the here and now
  3. Sabotage your future

 

It does not have to be like that. Forgive yourself for the damage done. Take comfort and credit for the fact you are standing here today when you could have just given up… Acknowledge and accept the people who truly care for you. They are not judging you for your past….you are…stop that ❤

This process does not happen overnight so be patient and gentle with yourself. None of us are perfect and we all have a sorted past. I am not about to compare who has it worse in life but you get the idea.

Know that you are standing here today for a reason. Perhaps a portion of your life was misguided and painful but while you still take a breath on this earth, make the most of it. Don’t let the past follow you around and creep into the progress you have made today. If you dig deep enough you will always find progress…in fact simply making the effort to acknowledge progress…is progress 🙂

The best tip I can give you is to take inventory everyday of the good in your life. The tiniest amount of good will do. It adds up and eventually overpowers the negative. So far this has been working for me. It helps me pause for a moment and take control.

If you believe in God. Pray…pray all the time ❤

If you’re reading this and you can relate just know I feel you and I am rooting for you. ❤

I hope you will do the same for me 🙂 ❤

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

 

 

Take Care and God Bless ❤

Cavelle