The Truth About Lying

liar

Hey guys 🙂

Today I want to discuss the art of lying. No, not so you can become a better liar but so you can spot one.

We have all told a white lie here and there…if you try to tell me you have never told a lie, the truth is, you’re lying.

It is human nature to fudge the truth a bit in order to spare someone’s feelings or avoid petty conflict but if you add up enough of these little lies it can quickly snowball  out of control.

But today, I am not talking about the little white lies we are all guilty of telling. I am talking about the compulsive, pathological liar.

Many of us are being lied to right now and don’t even have the first clue it is happening. This is because the brand of liar I am talking about is a seasoned veteran. In many cases, said liar actually believes their own lies and this my friends, is the most dangerous liar of all.

I am going to tell you what to look for so you can avoid being a victim to lies.

First, we have to address the core reason for lying and ask the question “why?” in order to understand said liar. There is one main reason to lie –

To avoid the consequences of truth. Simple enough right? But it goes much deeper than that.

Are you ready to go down this rabbit hole?…Ok, let’s begin!

Low Self Esteem: 

Most likely, the person in question is suffering from low self esteem. They are stuck in denial about what is actually happening (or not happening) in their lives and would rather lie to themselves and others to avoid confronting the real issue at hand, which in many cases is quite painful and brings shame. Who wants that?

When we think of low self esteem and what it looks like, many of us picture that person with the hunched shoulders, who stares at the ground with the quiet voice and cares little about their choice of attire but that isn’t who I’m talking about today…

The Narcissist:

A lot of us assume that the narcissist has deep rooted self esteem issues and toot their own horn to compensate for lack of self esteem but this is where things get a bit tricky.

You see, the narcissist may have deep rooted psychological issues at their core but they actually believe they are as good as they say they are.

The narcissist believes in the idealized version of themselves that they present to you. They have the answers to all of life’s questions and they are more than happy to share whether you asked or not. They come off as arrogant, nothing is their fault, and they feel they are superior in intelligence compared to you and most people.

The narcissist rarely follows through with agreements and obligations. They may at times even admit they are wrong but the truth is they are paying lip service in order to get you off their back. They don’t truly believe they are wrong so they take on the role of being the “bigger man” in order to make you believe they have emotional maturity and you are in fact the one lacking it.

Along with narcissistic behavior, we discover a plethora of personality traits that bring us deeper into the psyche of a liar.

According to Támara Hill, MS, LPC  from PsychCentral.com there are certain personality traits that make a person more likely to lie.

She lists 13 in fact-

Certain personality traits where pathological lying may occur include:

  1. Narcissism or self-centered behaviors and thought patterns
  2. Selfishness
  3. Abusive attitude
  4. Obsessive, controlling, and compulsive behaviors
  5. Impulsivity
  6. Aggressiveness
  7. Jealous behavior
  8. Manipulative behaviors
  9. Deceptiveness
  10. Socially awkward, uncomfortable, or isolated
  11. Low self-esteem
  12. Tempermentalness
  13. Anger

 

I highly recommend reading the rest of her article. It is an excellent, 6 minute read and jammed packed with valuable information you can use to protect yourself. I will share the link below:

6 Subtle Characteristics of The Pathological Liar

So who else are we dealing with besides the the narcissist?

The Sociopath:

First, I need to make it clear that the sociopath and psychopath are not one in the same. The main difference being, the psychopath has no conscious whereas a sociopath path does have a conscious (although weak) and knows that what they’re doing is wrong yet do it anyway.

Now that we have an idea of the personality traits we are dealing with, I can share with you some of the tells that give away a liar nearly every time.

You hear about micro expressions in particular but today I am going to bypass that because most of us just don’t have the time or desire to be that detailed…at least I don’t! So here are some plain as day signs to look for:

Deflection:

Pathological liars have mastered this art form. If you hit them with the truth be prepared to have them switch up the subject pretty quickly or make the conversation about you. They are good at lying on demand so to simply come to them with evidence of the truth will not phase them as much as you think. Remember, they like this game and are willing to play it for as long as it takes to win.

 Liars Stay Calm:

Almost too clam in fact. They want to be the one in control so they take careful, calm, manipulative jabs at you to stir up your emotions as a way to once again, deflect and make this about you.

Once they have you riled up they will say things like “you’re crazy!” This person will do anything to protect their lie, so they are more than willing to dish out low blows.

Do your best to fight fire with fire by staying just as calm, but know what you are up against because the liar does not quit…they can’t quit because they need to keep their story in check so they deflect to buy time to get their lie back in order…On that note, I recommend you read…

The Swiss Cheese Story:

The liar isn’t perfect and they are bound to fumble at some point. Pay close attention to what the liar is saying and compare it to past stories. Question the liar on this and you will see their mood change rather quickly. They go from being calm and smug to angry and annoyed…if you look really close you can see the steam coming out their ears as they angrily formulate more lies.

At first, the liar will have the answers to all of your questions and please note how quickly the answers spu out. Just like a boxer will let his opponent tire and then knock him out in one punch, you need to do the same with the liar.

Start connecting the dots and question the ones that don’t make any sense. Keep questioning and you will start to see the liar is running out of answers and once again deflection comes into play yet the liar will still not admit defeat…trust me…

Trust Me:

Liars overcompensate and exaggerate their version of the truth. The liar will over use phrases like “trust me” and “I swear” or they will start to question you…”What? You don’t believe me?”

Insult To Injury:

When the liar realizes you are not quite buying what they’re selling they will act insulted that you would question their oh so honest ways. Don’t be surprised if you hear the phrase “How dare you!”

Mixed Bag:

The reason a pathological liar is skilled at what they do is because they know how to mix a little bit of the truth into their lies in order to make the lie more believable. It’s always a smoke and mirrors show designed to keep you guessing and doubt yourself.

How do I defeat the liar?

Simple answer? You don’t but I will give you some simple advice that lets you know you are not in fact going crazy like the liar wants you to believe.

Less Is More:

Do not get into a war of words with the liar. Listen to the liar first and foremost as they will reveal something to you…their lie.

The liar will talk, and talk (especially the narcissist).

As they talk, they will add in all kinds of unnecessary details to answer your questions (which they cannot stand) so keep your lips zipped and your ears open. The more silence you provide the more the liar is put off and feels the need to fill in the gap.

Trust Your Gut:

You may not have all the pieces or concrete evidence but your gut is very sensitive to BS so always stay in tune with that gut feeling because it knows before you do most of the time.

In closing, do not beat yourself up if you do happen to let your emotions get the best of you or you discover you have in fact been taken on a ride of lies. What goes around comes around and even the Bible has some choice words for the liar…

Luke 8:17

For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light.

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Recharge Your Spiritual Battery

 

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Hey guys 🙂

Today I have decided to take a more spiritual approach to a post I had written about burnout in the workplace. If you care to read that post I will link it here

Just like there is burnout in the workplace, I feel you can also experience burnout on a spiritual level. As a Christian, I try my best to keep my faith strong but it’s not always that easy when you are faced with the struggles of everyday life.

If you have been keeping up with my blog, you know that I live with Bipolar Disorder and not only do I advocate for God but I advocate for mental illness.

Mental illness does not come without it’s challenges and in my case, when you are in the throes of  depression or mania (sometimes both, called a mixed episode) your mental state becomes skewed and leaves you vulnerable. It makes it difficult during those times to reach out to God and ask for His help.

I want share some ideas that I feel will help keep your faith and overall well being strong. Whether you live with a mental illness or not we are all vulnerable to the chaos that exists in this world. It is imperative that we protect ourselves from it. ❤

Pray And Practice Gratitude:

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I know. This seems obvious but many of us will only pray when things get messy. What about when things are going well? We should always acknowledge God in prayer good or bad. Prayer during the good times shows gratitude and practicing gratitude on a daily basis is scientifically proven to improve psychological and physical health. For more information on that I will link you to an article I found –

7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude 

Even if you don’t believe in God, practicing gratitude will strengthen your overall well being and if you live with a mental illness, this is especially important.

For those of you who do practice your faith in God a simple verse from Psalms is a wonderful way to start your day –

Psalm 118:24

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

I also turn you to Proverbs (my favourite book ) –

Proverbs 3:6

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Prayer and gratitude is not only valuable but very powerful. Make a point to include it in your life daily. ❤

If you are in need of prayer or someone you know needs prayers I will link you to my Prayer Requests post. I would be more than happy to pray for you and with you. ❤

 

Keep Your Inner Circle Close:

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If you have God in your life, He is the center of that circle. Never let it stray from there. In general, nurture the people closest to you. If you are living with mental illness I know this can be tough to ask of you but it is important that you do not shut out the people who truly love and care for you. We all need love and acceptance. We all need a hug and someone to tell us “Things will be Ok” but it takes two for this equation to work. Make sure to put your best foot forward to reciprocate that love and acceptance.

Before I found God in my life, I was surrounded by the wrong people. I allowed them to drain me on many levels. When I accepted God into my life and made a point to move closer to my family, I purged a lot of negativity and people out of my life. I have started to keep my life as simple as possible as a result and I must say…it’s the best thing I have ever done for myself.

I am rather selective now of who I allow into my inner circle. In the past, I was a welcome mat for all kinds of negative, toxic influences which leads me into my next tip –

Create And Stick To Your Boundaries: 

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For me, it started with God. I make it a point to not let people get in the way of my faith anymore. My faith in God brings me peace and I refuse to let anyone mess with that.

As a rule, if it doesn’t feel right, if you have that nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach, if you feel something does not line up with your morals and values…stay the heck away from it. Do not let people walk all over you and bring you down to their level of negativity. You are worth more than that and saying no does not make you a bad person. It means you respect yourself enough to know what your limits are.

Creating boundaries will either make people respect you or send the ones who have a problem with it running for the hills…good… If someone has a problem with you respecting yourself then they don’t need to be in your life. Period.

Galatians 6:5

For each will have to bear his own load.

I hope some of my ideas help you to stay on a straight path. These are just a few of the ways you can protect your well being and your faith. I feel the three I have listed are the core values you should try and hang on to most. If you do that, the rest will follow.

In closing, I invite you to share any experiences  you have had that has improved your life and has helped to keep your path straight. Sharing with others is another great way to rejuvenate your spiritual and mental well being. Let’s help each other recharge those spiritual batteries! ❤

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prayer Requests

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Hey guys 🙂

I was giving it some thought and I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner. We offer it all the time in my church. Prayer requests.

Many times we forget that there is not only power in prayer but in numbers. Today I want to extend my blog to anyone who may need prayer today. ❤

I want to offer up my sincere prayers to you. Please feel free to contact me via my contact page and I will send you prayer personalized to your needs. ❤

Matthew 18:20

For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

I encourage you to share requests in the comments section as well so that others can pray for you and with you.

If you feel other people need prayer, please feel free to reblog this post. Let’s form a prayer chain today and come together knowing God is watching over us.

God hears our prayers and He’s ready to answer them. ❤

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

Let Live and Let God

Hey guys 🙂

Sorry it’s been a few days since my last post but I needed to recharge my writing batteries. I am sure my fellow writers can relate! 🙂

Today I want to talk about something we are all faced with at some point. Letting go.

There are many things we are faced with in life that prompt the question  “Should I stay or should I go.” (great song by the way)

In the past, letting go was something I seriously struggled with. It never really crossed my mind to turn to God during these times and allow Him to take over. Sometimes, in order for God to work through us we have to be willing to step aside and let Him do his work.

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Letting go can be frightening. Even if we know that deep down we need to walk away, many of us will hang on to bad relationships, jobs, influences etc. for we drown ourselves  in fear of the unknown. But God knows. He is leaps and bounds ahead of us and He knows what he wants for us even if we can’t see it at the time.

If we are not willing to jump, how is God supposed to catch us?

let your faith

Even if we stray from God, He manages to whisper to our soul the wishes He has for us. It manifests into that gut feeling we get when we know something needs to change for the better. He’s always there.

Always. ❤

When we feel pain and despair. When we feel stuck, when we cry at night thinking no one is watching, God cries with us. He wishes not to hurt us only to lift us up.

Let Him. ❤

It’s been my personal experience that the hardest thing to do is walk away from the people we love. Especially if we are worried for their wellbeing. We ask –

“If I walk away from this person, who will take care of them?”

God will.

It has also been my experience that when you face your fear of letting go and take the plunge, it’s never as bad as you think it’s going to be. On the contrary, it is in fact one of the most liberating things you can do! Once we free ourself from the chains of fear, God rewards us! It makes Him so happy that you put your faith in Him and in turn he blesses you with His love, joy and comfort.

If life were easy, there would be no need for faith. God puts our faith to the test not to punish us but to draw us closer and closer to Him so that He can protect us from the evil that roams this earth. Being true to God means you have to be true to yourself. We are a reflection of God’s image.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

In closing, know that you are not alone. There may be dark clouds in the sky but when you rise above those clouds, you see the sun is shining bright! Allow yourself to place your burdens on God. He can handle it. He is God after all. You are a reflection of God and by loving yourself enough to let go, you love God.

We are His children and He is the Father. ❤

God

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Devil In Disguise

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Hey guys!

Today I want to present a warning to you in order to help restore your ability to be a critical thinker. A crucial weapon we need to arm ourselves with in order to fight this volatile world we live in right now.

It is no secret that the world we live in today is in major turmoil and it does not seem to be getting any better as time goes on. Clearly, the devil is at work as more and more people are losing hope for humanity and many are losing their faith in God as a result.

As the devil brings out the obvious big guns like war, mass shootings, angry protests, hate crimes, government scandals, and the list goes on, it does not compare to the devil’s biggest weapon of mass destruction and that is his deceit.

 

The Bible warns us of this deceit-

2 Corinthians 11:14

No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.

 

It is my personal belief that as we continue to approach the last days, the biggest single danger we face is not global warfare with threats of mass destruction but a war on our minds and spirit and it’s attacking you everyday right in your own home.

Let’s take the mainstream music industry for example. It is riddled with satanic messages and imagery and yet the masses happily take it all in.

You have children mimicking their favourite artists having no clue what they are portraying and you have the parents of those children posting videos of how cute their child is as they attempt to dance and sing as provocatively as their idols..

You have shows like Toddlers and Tiaras where parents pimp out their children to the masses in sexually provocative song and dance…they are forced to dress and dance like women 6 times their age and yet people find it adorable and cute.

But it’s not folks…I want you to think for a moment how many pedophiles must be having a field day in the comfort of their own homes with this mainstream child porn. It’s right in front of our faces and we allow it to be so.

We are bombarded with commercials pushing us to buy the latest products that are also riddled with sexual imagery and a message that we must keep up in a shallow and materialistic society.

Turn on the news and tell me how happy you feel…

You have a radical left agenda forcing you to accept everyone and their dog despite the fact much of it goes against the word of God.

This agenda is pushed on us more and more everyday and if you don’t accept it, you are persecuted.

Good honest people have lost their jobs and even their lives over this kind of thinking because this persecution spreads like wildfire on social media.

Parents are now starting to be forced by schools to go to their kids and get them to figure out which gender they most associate with before they start their first year of school! What on earth is happening here?

Free speech and the ability to raise our children without the PC rhetoric being forced upon us is going out the window…

And what’s worse, you have the devil’s presence even in spiritual safe havens like your own church. New Age religions promote seemingly harmless practices designed to make you a better person but it strays away from the word of God and encourages you to look within yourself and discover your own path to destiny on your own terms.

I posted this bible verse before but I am going to post it again –

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

 

When I finally decided I was going to clean up my act and truly follow God’s path, the first thing I did was get rid of television. I have not watched anything on TV in 8 months now and you know what? It’s awesome to go about my day blissfully unaware of the crap that was constantly allowed to be pushed on me, especially in the news.

That is not to say I don’t watch anything anymore or that I tune out the media entirely but I am rather selective now of what I allow burned into my ears and retinas.

You see, the devil does not want you or I to be capable of critical thinking because that requires free will. The single most powerful weapon God made sure we would have. He gave us this free will so that those of us who choose to follow Him, do so willingly and honestly.

The devil hates this and wants to destroy your free will and numb your mind with entertainment and he will sink his teeth into any form of it that he can to promote his message while you sit there, a brainwashed automaton who is unaware that you are being controlled and losing your free will by the second.

However the devil believe it or not, allows for free will because he has to and when you willingly choose his side disguised as something good, by the time you realize what’s really going on, it’s too late and what does the devil do?

He laughs at you and says “Why are you upset? It was your choice! I did not force you to do anything.”

If anyone has ever watched The Devil’s Advocate, you will remember Al Pacino playing the role of the devil. Keanu Reeve’s character finally realises he has been deceived by the devil and in turn blames the devil for his misfortune.

Al Pacino replies –

Free will. It’s like butterfly wings: once touched, they never get off the ground. I only set the stage. You pull your own strings.

Free will is a grey area ripe for manipulation but it is necessary if we are to serve God with true intentions. In the book of John, he tells us to be critical thinkers –

 

1 John 4:1

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

No Words…Just Emotions

Hey guys 🙂

So Monday is here again which means normally I would be posting Monday Mantra.

Today’s mantra is not so much a mantra as it is me needing to connect. I’ve been hurting inside. More than I realised. Last night I think was the first night I truly cried about everything and anything since making my life changing move 4 months ago.

I try my best to be a positive person. We should all strive for that but part of being a positive person is allowing ourselves to let go of the not so good stuff.

In the last two weeks, many things that I thought I had a handle on started to crumble. It’s funny how a series of seemingly small events can add up to one giant title wave of emotion and wow did that wave come crashing down hard.

Since being taken off my medication for anxiety a month ago, I felt like I didn’t have my usual armor to shield me from such overwhelming emotions. You feel like you have no skin and everything that touches you is raw…it hurts.

I’ve prayed more since my breakup and move across the country. It’s funny how God doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we expect Him to. In my case I thought I could just cry alone and pray and that God would make everything go away…turns out that’s not quite how things work.

In the end I found myself finally letting things go in the arms of a true angel. I am with a man who knows me better than I know myself at times. I was not expecting to find such a wonderful person when I made the move to start over. I was not even looking for a man let alone another relationship but he’s been there for me every step of the way. In ways I didn’t even know I needed but he knows and this time he didn’t allow me to bottle things up… That is love beyond compare in my eyes.

So I cried, and cried…and…you get the idea…

The thing is, sometimes there are no words for the hurt in your life. Sometimes it’s all just emotions and it’s so important to find a safe place to let those emotions go. Writing has always been an outlet for me in that regard because I express myself better in writing than I do in person. I know there are others out there with no words… just emotions…who may not want to or feel like writing but who need read the words of another knowing there is someone out there who can relate.

So I find myself today starting fresh despite the recent tears of yesterday. I choose to take things one day at a time…one minute at a time if need be. There is no shame in that. For those of you out there who may be hurting with no place to turn just know that I feel you and if you feel you can connect with me than please do. We all need a safe place to go when times get tough.

Like I mentioned earlier, it’s important to let the bad stuff go so that we can make room for the good stuff/people in our lives.

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

Take Care ❤

Cavelle