New Beginnings

Hey guys πŸ™‚

Just going to let this video speak for itself πŸ™‚

 

https://achristianinbloom.wordpress.com/

Take Care & God Bless ❀

Cavelle

 

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Be Still

Please be still

He knows you’re ill  

As you try in vain to find Him

The doctors

The nurses

They block your view

But He’s standing right behind them

Your fears are real

He knows this well

He’s trying to subside them

But please

Be still

Let Him work on you

And please 

Do not deny Him

A dose of faith

A dose of trust

You have to commit

This is a must

The power of prayer

May it reach you

Pray for yourself

He can teach you

Open your heart

Quiet your mind

Sing all His praises

His voice you shall find

In His name

Be still ❀

Take Care & God Bless ❀

Cavelle

 

Monday Prayer

Hey guys πŸ™‚

As we enter a new week, I personally need to get my mind and my heart aligned with God and the best way to do that is through prayer ❀

 

Dear Lord,

Please continue to hold my hand as I enter into a new week.

Please watch over my family and in particular, I pray for my brother and his fiance as they prepare for their first born this week. May you ensure a safe delivery for mother and baby Pearl. ❀

May you watch over my family as we continue to grow and strengthen our bond with each other. I thank you that despite the past you bless us with a bright future. ❀

I thank you for helping me reunite with my church family. I know I need them and you know it too and so I thank you for giving me the strength to overcome my anxieties, my fears and even my complacency.Β 

Please continue to open my heart and allow me to exercise discipline in your name.

Use me as you see fit. ❀

You know my heart but I think you also need me to start acting on what’s inside my heart. This is scary Lord. Please help to wash away those fears so that I can better serve you and those who are closest to me.

Thank you for continuing to put a roof over my head, food on the table and harmony in my home. You bless me with the stability I have always wanted in my life and I am eternally grateful for that. ❀

Please continue to help me keep simplicity and peace in my life and in the lives of those around me.

I pray you touch those who need you but don’t know it. I pray for them most of all. I can’t imagine my life without you. I would not be standing here to today if not for you. ❀

Please help me to find direction in my writing. I am at a crossroads with my earthly passion and I want my earthly passion to line up with my passion for you and so help me to find the right words. Words that may touch someone in need of them.

Thank you in advance for guiding me through another week. Help me to tune out the noise that is the devil as he loves to play little games with me and those I love in an attempt to chip away at the foundation we have built in your name. Protect me from petty things…petty thinking.

In closing Lord, I thank you for hearing my prayers and I have faith and trust that you will answer every one of them as your plan for me continues to unfold. May you help me to see what you see. ❀

Amen.

 

Mark 11:24Β 

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

 

Take Care & God Bless ❀

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Fear Of Making The Wrong Decision

Hey guys πŸ™‚

So in my last two posts, I talked about why you should treat your life like a business and I also discussed a more sensitive topic about why I don’t want to have children.

Today, I want to expand on my “Why You Need To Start Treating Your Life Like A Business” post and delve into a more Christian version of that because personally, I need to get back in touch with the man upstairs (AKA God).

I alluded to the fact that the last week or so has been especially trying. It’s moments like this where it’s so easy for me to get caught up in the stress of it all and forget that God is looking out for me. He’s always there but it never hurts to acknowledge that.

Recently, my fiance had to make a tough decision. The truth is, from the outside looking in, the decision was clear but sometimes, the hesitation to take the high road can seem complicated.

Anxiety, stress, guilt, confusion and a lack of trust in our judgement can hinder the decision making process. It can paralyze us with fear because we become consumed with a question of worry –

What if I am making the wrong decision?

Ultimately, my fiance made the right decision for his well being and I am proud of him for setting boundaries and looking out for his mental and physical health. He put himself first for a change.

For many of us, putting ourselves first can be a challenge and I think for some of us “challenge” is an understatement . We feel guilt if we put ourselves first. We worry about ruffling feathers and more often than not, we stay in an unhealthy situation just to appease people who quite frankly, do not have our best interest at heart.

My fiance and I were discussing his recent decision and at that point he was still feeling guilt and worry but this is what I told him –

  1. The best decisions are usually the hardest to make.
  2. When we get a gut feeling that just won’t go away, that’s God talking to you. He’s trying to show you a better way and so he speaks to your heart until you listen and act on it.

I reminded my fiance and myself that keeping our faith strong needs to stay a top priority. When you look to God and acknowledge him in your life, you start to see he is everywhere.

If God does not exist, I will eat my shirt because based on my own life experiences, it’s a miracle sometimes that I am still standing. Even in my darkest days, my head has managed to stay above water, just barely at times but I have always managed to get back up and fight another day.

I have God to thank for that. ❀

Regardless of what or who you believe in, I have always felt that having a spiritual faith of sorts is so important. What a bleak and depressing path we walk without hope and faith by our side.

When I need to make a tough life decision, I talk to God about it and I love to go online and look up Bible verses for guidance related to my situation.

For this particular topic I found this Bible verse that speaks to me and I hope it speaks to you too –

Proverbs 3:6

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Short and sweet. I have grown to love Proverbs as I find the passages there are so direct and relevant to the world we live in today. The book of Proverbs doesn’t candy coat things and accepts no excuses from us.

I always seem to find the guidance I need there.

I wonder sometimes why we resist God’s path for us. We say we believe and trust in God to watch over us but many times we just have to complicate the path, take a bunch of detours and then finally come to the conclusion our gut was right all along and why didn’t we just listen to it sooner.

When I think of all the times I have done that, I imagine God up there in the clouds smacking his forehead like a parent who tries to tell their kid “Don’t touch the stove it’s hot” but they just have to do the opposite and ultimately learn the hard way.

I used to say the only way I know how to learn is the hard way but overtime I have realized, why learn the hard way all the time? I suppose being in my 30’s I am starting to become more aware of the fact that I am a mere mortal not destined to live forever so why on earth am I wasting time on this sort of thing?

Proverbs 12:11

Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.

Amen Proverbs. When we avoid making the decision we knew all along needed to be made, I think that counts as a worthless pursuit.

Oh, and let’s not forget James. He has an excellent point I need to share regarding this topic –

James 4:17

So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

The book of James is similar to Proverbs with it’s unapologetic, to the point words of wisdom and I have started to look there as well for guidance.

When it comes to making life decisions, I don’t think it’s a matter of “right” or “wrong” but more of a “How hard do you want to make this journey?” I believe God will guide us regardless and we will ultimately reach our destination if we hold him in our hearts but I liken decision making to booking a flight –

Do you want the cheaper flight with tons of layovers or the direct flight? Sure, the direct flight may cost you more upfront but you get to where you’re going twice as fast with less mess…usually lol

*I think you get the general idea with that analogy so let’s keep it simple and pretend airlines stay on schedule all the time. πŸ˜‰ *

In closing, I encourage you to face your fears head on and listen to your gut. Act on it sooner rather than later. Make the decision that is right for YOU because God is not out to make your life miserable.

God is our gut feeling. Trust him. Pass your worries over to him because the more you avoid doing what’s right for you, the louder God will speak in order to get your attention.

He’s not trying to punish you, he’s trying to make you “get it”. He’s giving you a shake because he doesn’t want to see bad things for you. He wants to walk with you so hold his hand and let God lead the way. ❀

 

Take Care & God Bless ❀

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

A Mixed Bag

Hey guys πŸ™‚

I hope you’re all doing well ❀

Today, I have no real topic to present to you. Just me kinda talking about…well…stuff.

*Warning* It’s going to be really random…

Let’s see… Things have been going pretty good lately. No major bipolar episodes which is great. Sometimes I worry about that with the change of the season. Not sure if anyone else experiences that but if I make a point to keep track, I find certain times of the year are more “bipolary” than others.

Job is stable! Finally a job that is stable. Anyone who lives with mental illness of any kind can probably relate to the difficulties of finding stability in that area of their lives in particular.

For awhile there I was job hopping to the point I honestly just felt like a failure. I see people sticking to their jobs for years. They seem to be able to handle all the crap that comes with a job and I was barely making the first 3 months. For various reasons but bipolar disorder certainly played its part.

In a perfect world, I would like to quit smoking. Yes, I smoke. I know it’s bad. I don’t like that I smoke…yet I really don’t want to stop…yet I do…*sigh*

I have been missing church way more than I care to. The last time I missed church this much I was going through some major depression but since then I have just found it really difficult to get back into the swing of things.

That being said, regardless of church, I could stand to be saying my prayers more often. I don’t really “pray” I just sort of talk to God in my head. I don’t hear any voices reply so I figure that’s a good sign my mental health is fairly stable lol but God always responds to my prayers. I love God for that. He’s more action than talk. Sometimes He doesn’t act right away but on the bright side, it makes me exercise patience and faith. God acts when it truly counts.<3

You know what’s nice? Being in a relationship where big blow out fights are NOT the norm. Not even close. I was starting to think that didn’t exist. When you finally pull yourself out of that vicious cycle of constantly picking the wrong apples, you realize just how much of that can exasperate bipolar symptoms. Now that I am finally in a stable, loving relationship, sometimes I forget I even have bipolar disorder…of course I get reminders but not nearly as bad as before.

Regardless of your mental state…make a point to surround yourself with the right people…seriously, it makes a huge difference.

I keep a very small, tight knit circle of people around me. Mainly my family. This is in part because of the burns I suffered as a functioning alcoholic ( I was going to say borderline alcoholic but looking back, who am I kidding?)

I thought that the karaoke bar flies I mingled with were truly my friends…then one day I realized…I don’t know these people outside of the bar. I don’t know them by day or sober…I say and do stupid crap thinking it’s all fun and games. At the time, I thought my social life was truly booming. Oh yeah…I was the bees knees in my drunken book…

When I look back at that time, I don’t even know who that girl was…I’m past being ashamed about it but it’s still cringe worthy.

Not really sure why I brought that up but maybe I am working through my writer’s block in real time…like I said, this is going to be random lol

Speaking of random, is it just me or does Earl Grey tea smell like Fruit Loops? I love both ❀

Also, I have a confession to make…I’m a nerd. A gamer to be exact. My finance and I recently bought Elder Scrolls Online for our PS4…I loooove this game. ❀ If you are a fellow gamer and you don’t have Elder Scrolls Online, you are seriously missing out. Of course you have to be into MMORPG (Massive Multi Player Online Role Playing Game). Fellow nerds and gamers will totally get what I am saying here…the rest of you…just ignore this section of the post lol.

I promise this randomness is not mania by the way. I am on my night shift right now and totally bored. Super glad I enjoy writing. It passes the time and is therapeutic for me. A win win.

Speaking of therapeutic, music does the trick as well. I love when I am alone and can crank up the tunes and sign along…sometimes I do a little dance…it’s me time and something no one will ever witness lol

Music videos however…wow are they getting rather umm…demonic in nature. Like what is with all the devil worship? I feel like music videos have become rather pornographic with a dash of Illuminati symbolism…ok not a dash…blatant. I can’t be the only one who sees this…Like not long ago I saw Taylor Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do” video and all I can say is…who made you go from “Teardrops On My Guitar” to umm…that?

And does anyone remember Kesha’s “Die Young” video? Super catchy tune but wow nothing like a santanic ritual to spice things up. It’s like all these pop songs have a very addictive melody while you watch…well… satan worship for lack of a better term and now she’s singing songs about praying and such… I’m confused…are we being brainwashed perhaps?

I guess at this point I need to stop rambling but I will leave you with this recap and words of wisdom:

  1. Know that God is watching over you. Always ❀
  2. Keep your friends close and your enemies as far away as possible.
  3. A healthy environment makes ALL the difference.
  4. If you live with mental illness or someone you care about does, keep the lines of communication open. It’s hard sometimes but it can literally save your life.
  5. The change of the seasons can affect mental illness. Be mindful of this.
  6. Don’t watch music videos? I’ll let you decide on that one.
  7. Earl Grey tea really does smell like Fruit Loops. I have decided this just now. Case closed.
  8. Being a nerd is OK. Embrace it ❀
  9. Smoking is bad…if you’re a smoker like me…I get it. It’s bad but don’t worry, you’re not ❀
  10. Taylor Swift went to the dark side…she said it herself “The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, cause she’s dead.”
  11. I love to sing and dance to music…when I’m alone…like totally alone lol
  12. This randomness is brought to you by night shift boredom. I hope it was somewhat entertaining/informative.

 

Take Care & God Bless ❀

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fork In The Road

Hey guys πŸ™‚

To my fellow bloggers, I have reached a point that I think every writer dreads. I am not sure what direction I want to take my blog.

I feel like I am all over the map. Do I really want to keep blogging about having bipolar disorder? Do I want to continue a Christian theme on top of it?

I’m not sure…

When I first started this blog I worked hard at it for 2 years. I had over 1000 followers and then I had a major life change. I was convinced I didn’t want to blog anymore and so I pressed the delete button…2 years of work…gone.

Some time passed and I realized I wanted to keep blogging so I started Mental Break In Progress from scratch and for the last year I feel I have fallen completely flat.

My blog used to have direction. A rather clear message but now I’m not sure what message I want to put out there and it’s frustrating. People used to be active on my blog. Conversations were the norm. Now I hear crickets.

Perhaps I have written myself into a corner. I read blogging tips and they all say to stick to a theme. Have a clear direction. Does it really have to be that way? What if I just want to talk about random things? I have seen very successful bloggers who do just that.

Sometimes I think because of the 180 I took in my life (for the better) I no longer relate to the person I was when I started this blog. I tried to keep the same theme going. I started the blog shortly after receiving my diagnoses of bipolar disorder because I needed an outlet and have always loved writing but I have grown so much since then.

I don’t have the dire need to constantly talk about it anymore yet I still consider it to be an important topic as I feel there needs to be open conversation about mental illness in general.

I’m at a point in my life where I have let go of a lot of baggage. I’m in a healthy relationship. A wonderful one. I am closer to my family than ever before and most importantly I have restored my faith. It’s stronger than ever. That being said, I am still kind of discovering this new me.

I see the silver linings. I thrive on the positive now. I don’t feel the need to rehash the trials of my past…but that was my writing mojo…ugh…think Cavelle…think!

The irony of it all is that I have more time to write than ever before. I work as a night auditor and so it’s pretty quiet with not much to do. I should be full of writing ammo.

I guess time will tell?

 

Take Care & God Bless ❀

Cavelle

 

 

 

My Back Yard

Dear God

Your presence is known with a gentle wind between the trees.

The warm loving sun beaming down on my face

Wisps of clouds and breathtaking sky

The deer You send me in the morning while the sun gently rises

The nature You provide in all its glory

In trust

For me

For us

Despite all my sins

You allow me peace through Your beauty

You blessed me with this gift

Because You know my struggles

You know my sins

Yet You still find a way to offer me peace in times of need

You make sure I know

You Β are never far
You’re all around me

You’re my backyard Β πŸ’–

Take Care & Β God Bless πŸ’–

Cavelle