Hey guys 🙂
I’m not exactly sure how I got to this topic but I think it’s one worth talking about.
The term “daddy issues” is usually directed towards women and their hot mess of past relationships…I should know, I would qualify as a women with said issues.
That being said, I don’t care for the term. It seems rather sexist in nature. A less than stellar father throws his daughter to the wolves and she has “daddy issues” yet it seems a man with the same type of father is extended some sympathy. Just my two cents.
The main point I want to make however is the fact that when the biological father dismisses his role it impacts the future of sons and daughters alike.
For example, my biological father was abusive towards my mother. Physically and emotionally. He was abusive in the same way towards me and my brothers. He cheated on my mother multiple times and ultimately his last cheating episode would be with my mother’s sister…yep…stay classy dad…
Oddly enough my father is still with my mother’s sister to this day and I can guarantee you she is being treated the same way my mother was…but hey she wanted him…she insisted on having him with no regard for anyone but herself…they deserve each other.
I have been home for a little over a year now and my father lives right here in this tiny town yet I have never crossed paths with him once…my brother had the “privilege” of crossing paths with him at the mall one day…my father made brief eye contact and kept walking.
Despite this, I still wonder about my father. I feel that his current circumstances are a snowball of past ones.
My father had a very rough childhood. His father beat him, and when his mother ultimately left his father she would find herself in a string of abusive relationships and would take my father along for the ride. No child should have to go through that.
Later in life, my father would be told he had what was then called manic depression. My father rejected this claim and never bothered to seek treatment. It’s unfortunate during that time, you still didn’t talk about things like mental illness.
I wonder what my father’s life would have been like if he had went ahead with treatment. At his core my father is not a bad person…he’s a lost one.
I have not spoken to or seen my father in nearly 13 years. I have a wonderful father figure in my life who I consider to be my father at this point. My mother managed to survive that whole ordeal and end up with a wonderful man. He’s wonderful to all of us and I have nothing but mad love for him ❤ It makes me happy to see my mother thrive after all she has been through. She deserves it and then some. ❤
That being said, I suppose I am somewhat traditional in nature. My father may have given up his title but he is still my father by blood. In between all the mess, my father and I did share some good times and I like to try and remember those little moments as opposed to all the negative ones.
I feel I managed to get some of his better traits. He is the type of man who will give you the clothes off his back. He used to have his own business repairing electronics and he was always good and fair to his customers. His people skills have always been through the roof and I like to think I inherited some of that.
My father is also incredibly smart…I like to think I got a little of that too.
He also introduced me to awesome music. Queen, CCR, Boston, Journey…the classics that I still love to this day.
Lastly, my father played an instrumental role in introducing me and my brother’s to God. We said our prayers with him at night. He would read the bible to us after supper. He was and I hope he still is, a firm believer in God and I sincerely hope God is watching over him.
I have to say both my parents play a part in my spiritual beliefs but I always felt like I had an extra bond with my father on that level.
I look at present day and I wonder when I will cross paths with my father again if ever. Perhaps at his funeral? Provided I even know about it. I know it sounds so morbid but when I do manage to talk about my father it’s always in past tense as if he has already passed away…
Fathers, don’t be a distant memory to your children. Don’t leave them with little moments that they will try to hang on to despite all you have put them through. Don’t let your past become your children’s.
I am not trying to take away the impact of a mother’s actions. It happens on both sides of the coin but there is something about a strong father including a father figure that is crucial to the development of a child. If you are a father with a difficult past, choose to rise above it and show your children what it really means to be a father. Be the one who breaks the cycle of abuse and start a new generation of healthy and happy adults…who will show their children the strong and awesome example you laid out for them ❤
The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!
Take Care & God Bless ❤