Be Still

Please be still

He knows you’re ill  

As you try in vain to find Him

The doctors

The nurses

They block your view

But He’s standing right behind them

Your fears are real

He knows this well

He’s trying to subside them

But please

Be still

Let Him work on you

And please 

Do not deny Him

A dose of faith

A dose of trust

You have to commit

This is a must

The power of prayer

May it reach you

Pray for yourself

He can teach you

Open your heart

Quiet your mind

Sing all His praises

His voice you shall find

In His name

Be still ❀

Take Care & God Bless ❀

Cavelle

 

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Smile And Nod – The Passive Aggressive Dilemma

Hey guys πŸ™‚

Question for you – Do you ever have to bite your tongue? Like really bite your tongue…like almost right off?

You don’t have to answer that because I already know the answer to that question for most of you. πŸ˜‰

We all have a threshold for how much…umm…”interesting” situations we’re willing to take on in our lives.

For some, that threshold is a short fuse. A firecracker.

For others like myself, it’s a long…long fuse with a massive explosion waiting at the end of it.

I’m here to tell you that the long fuse with the big explosion person is their own worst enemy and can ultimately do the most damage not only to themselves but the people around them.

I don’t care to admit this…but I will.

This sort of behavior is classic passive aggressionΒ and I am slowly but surely making a point to remove my face from the dictionary definition.

Whether it’s family, friends, or your job, how many times have you found yourself biting your tongue to try and avoid perceived conflict?

In the moment, you think you have spared all involved but you are still left with a bitter taste in your mouth because you have suppressed your true thoughts and feelings regarding that person or situation. You find yourself doing and saying things you really didn’t want to do or say.

You might even replay that conversation in your head, repeatedly picturing what you wanted to say. You may confide in someone about it and retell the story as if you had been assertive. Embellish a bit to make it sound like you have a backbone. A mixture of what really happened and what you wanted to happen.

Time goes on. You smile and nod and smile and nod. Then one day, reality flicks your ear and the floodgates open leaving everyone around you scratching their heads.

Now you have a bigger mess to clean up provided there is any room left for that option.

Sound familiar?

Now before I go any further, I would like to point out that in some cases, it doesn’t hurt to bite your tongue. Pick your battles wisely because they’re not all worth fighting but for the purpose of this post, it will be assumed that things should have been addressed long…long ago…

For myself, I have been making a point to delve deeper into the reasons why I shy away from conflict or what I believe will be conflict if I speak my mind and the truth is, it’s not easy to write about it because I know I fall into this category and honestly, who wants to admit that?

Not the passive aggressive person that’s for sure.

For all the therapists I have seen and the countless articles on psychology I have read, you would think I have this passive aggressive thing figured out and under control by now.

I don’t. Not entirely, but stay with me as I try to breakdown my thoughts on the matter.

We are all guilty of being passive aggressive to some degree. Like the white lie for example. We’ve all told one here and there. The problem is too many white lies add up to trouble.

So no more tip toeing around. It’s time to dive in and explore the psyche of the passive aggressive person according to me…the passive aggressive with some insight.

Contradiction much?

Yes…but no…

Remember Your Childhood?

Many of us have failed to communicate with our inner child. I believe it makes sense to say that our upbringing plays a role in who we are today. I will use myself as an example:

I grew up in a dysfunctional home…I am assuming many of us in our own way, can say the same. Abuse existed in my home both physically and emotionally. When I look back, I start to see the stage was set.

As a child, you have no control of what goes on in your home. Well, I didn’t at least. In my case, watching my parents battle it out nearly everyday was not a fun time. In an effort to keep peace, the best thing I felt I could do was to not rock the boat.

Do what I’m told. Be agreeable at all times. Be nice to everyone. Overachieve in school as a way to please my parents and teachers in order to obtain some sort of control.

Reality sinks in as I realize I lived in constant fear of conflict because I saw it everyday. That on edge feeling knowing your parents would get into it at some point in the day.

I knew the drill. Go to my room, and pretend it wasn’t happening. It will blow over at some point and we’ll all sit down to dinner as if nothing happened. This walking on eggshells becomes very routine. You just get used to it.

Now I could be childish and blame my upbringing for my own shortcomings forever and at one time I did, but that is not why I am writing this post. Move to present day and my family has overcome a lot. Many “forgive me” coupons have been exchanged and redeemed. We’re stronger now despite the past but that didn’t happen over night.

Talking about my childhood is simply to benchmark how my passive aggressive behavior snowballed (although that snowball is starting to melt) into what it is today.

This is what happens when you don’t acknowledge your inner child. You fail to become a true adult and instead you become a big albeit high functioning, child.

Yes, I am an adult on paper but I have certainly stunted the growth of my inner child and so she continues to have tantrums until I just say –

“What!? What do you want!?”

For visual effect, the inside of my head looks something like this –

Stewie Hi GIF - FamilyGuy Mom Momma GIFs

 

Who? Me?

As you grow from childhood into adulthood, the passive aggressive person you have become now has to face a huge reality check.

Accountability.

If you relate to my story, then I think you will follow my logic on this. You spent your childhood not in control of the negativity around you. You tried in vain to compensate for the turmoil and part of that was by shutting off your feelings.

As you get older, those feelings don’t really go away. They are stored up inside and it’s really getting cramped in there.

You start to resent things like “adulting”Β  because you never really got to enjoy being a kid. It’s wasn’t your fault you had to grow up in that environment. You had no choice and now you’re expected to carry the burden of adulthood?

That’s not fair!

Subconsciously, your inner child demands you protect them from this injustice and because you have failed multiple times to show your inner child that you are in fact the one in charge, the result is quiet rebellion with an escape route.

The inner child wins because just like everything else in your life, you just don’t want to go there. It’s too hard and if something appears to be too hard or uncomfortable you can bet the passive aggressive person has a way out of it.

When things get too real, tough or simply adult in nature, your inner child takes over. You revert back to survival mode and are reminded by the inner child that it’s not your fault.

The Truth Is You’re Living A Lie:

Many passive aggressive people don’t really see how they are lying to themselves and ultimately avoiding their biggest problem.

It’s not everyone else my friend…it’s YOU. You are your biggest problem.

You say to yourself – “I am peaceful, I’m polite and I don’t hurt people’s feelings. I turn the other cheek for the greater good, I’m helpful (etc etc) so how can it be that I am the bad guy?”

The truth is, you’re not a bad person. I promise. Your intentions are good and true. However the problem there is, your intentions are still coming from the mind of a child and that child does not understand the importance of assertiveness in adulthood.

That child has no concept of assertiveness…that’s an adult thing and so that child does what they know best. They go to their room and hide until the bad stuff stops and then sit down with everyone at the dinner table as if nothing happened.

3…2…1…

The danger for the passive aggressive person is the fact that sooner or later things will blow up…big time.

You may hear this sometimes. People saying that it’s always the quiet ones you have to watch out for.

Look at serial killers for example. You hear these horrific stories about murder and when friends or family talk about this person, you’ll sometimes hear things about how that person seemed so happy, friendly. A pillar of the community. No surface reason to believe this person was capable of killing another human being or in this case multiple ones.

This example is extreme but but if you could look back at a serial killer’s childhood, you can bet abuse was a piece of the puzzle. That sense of no control over their negative environment and so in this case they would literally kill for control.

I am not saying all passive aggressive people are serial killers in the making. There is much more to it than that but it gives you an idea of just how toxic passive aggressive behavior can get.

Solutions:

I won’t leave you hanging. If I am going to explain how passive aggressive people work then it’s only fair I offer solutions to this epidemic so here are a few things I have been trying out.

  1. It’s OK to say No:Β For real guys. You’re allowed to say no. No no no…NO…Wow, that felt pretty good! πŸ˜‰ Passive aggressive people in particular associate the word “no” with negative connotation. Since most passive aggressive people are being ruled by their inner child, it makes sense that no = bad and yes = good. Starting today, I encourage you to say no to at least one thing you actually want to say no to during the span of a week. Baby steps. Show yourself that there is no monster waiting for you under the bed if you dare speak the word “no” because honestly, after a few times, it starts to get easier.
  2. Turn off the filter: OK I say turn off the filter but to be clear I mean that within reason. Remember. Baby steps. Take little situations and speak your mind on them. Say what you mean and mean what you say. For example, if your spouse asks “Where would you like to go for dinner tonight?” Do not, I repeat DO NOT say – “Oh, it doesn’t matter to me. Wherever you would like to go is fine.” If you had a place in mind, SAY IT. Do not be afraid to follow through and answer the question truthfully. You were asked where you want to go. Take that for what it is. An opportunity to express what it is that you want. You’re allowed to do that you know but don’t you dare say let’s go where you want to go and then cry inside that you didn’t really want to go there.
  3. Cut the cord: It’s time to let go of the inner child. This will take time and at some point you will find yourself in the throws of empty nest syndrome as you let that child go. You will feel as if you are lacking a true identity and in fact you are. Your identity was wrapped up in your past and other people but here is the good news, all of this is fixable. It’s not a lost cause…unless you want it to be. Start small. Don’t go on a rampage of no’s. Aim for balance and I do recommend seeing a therapist as you transition into this new and improved you. There is a lot of fear and anxiety that revolves around breaking the passive aggressive mold (paralyzing fear in fact) and there is no shame in acknowledging that and seeking help for it. Taking the time to reflect and accept the past for what it was is no easy feat. There are a lot of walls that need to be broken down in order to build a wall that’s up to code and if you are willing to do that, then you are more of an adult in that moment than a lot of people so see the need for help and acknowledging that you do as a sign of strength and liberation. ❀

I will stress again. Baby steps. It has to be because us passive aggressive people will run and hide from anything that seems too difficult or scary and so you have to introduce assertiveness gradually and learn over time that assertiveness is actually a healthy part of being an adult. Conflict in small doses is OK…it’s normal and your world will not come to end for facing it head on. The fears you have are the fears of inner child. You’re not a kid anymore and you deserve to graduate into adulthood with your own thoughts, feelings and identity. You are worth that! ❀

In closing, I will leave you with a bible verse that I hope you will find helpful and serve as spiritual therapy on your journey to find and love yourself –

 

1 John 4:18Β 

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

 

Take Care & God Bless ❀

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Fear Of Making The Wrong Decision

Hey guys πŸ™‚

So in my last two posts, I talked about why you should treat your life like a business and I also discussed a more sensitive topic about why I don’t want to have children.

Today, I want to expand on my “Why You Need To Start Treating Your Life Like A Business” post and delve into a more Christian version of that because personally, I need to get back in touch with the man upstairs (AKA God).

I alluded to the fact that the last week or so has been especially trying. It’s moments like this where it’s so easy for me to get caught up in the stress of it all and forget that God is looking out for me. He’s always there but it never hurts to acknowledge that.

Recently, my fiance had to make a tough decision. The truth is, from the outside looking in, the decision was clear but sometimes, the hesitation to take the high road can seem complicated.

Anxiety, stress, guilt, confusion and a lack of trust in our judgement can hinder the decision making process. It can paralyze us with fear because we become consumed with a question of worry –

What if I am making the wrong decision?

Ultimately, my fiance made the right decision for his well being and I am proud of him for setting boundaries and looking out for his mental and physical health. He put himself first for a change.

For many of us, putting ourselves first can be a challenge and I think for some of us “challenge” is an understatement . We feel guilt if we put ourselves first. We worry about ruffling feathers and more often than not, we stay in an unhealthy situation just to appease people who quite frankly, do not have our best interest at heart.

My fiance and I were discussing his recent decision and at that point he was still feeling guilt and worry but this is what I told him –

  1. The best decisions are usually the hardest to make.
  2. When we get a gut feeling that just won’t go away, that’s God talking to you. He’s trying to show you a better way and so he speaks to your heart until you listen and act on it.

I reminded my fiance and myself that keeping our faith strong needs to stay a top priority. When you look to God and acknowledge him in your life, you start to see he is everywhere.

If God does not exist, I will eat my shirt because based on my own life experiences, it’s a miracle sometimes that I am still standing. Even in my darkest days, my head has managed to stay above water, just barely at times but I have always managed to get back up and fight another day.

I have God to thank for that. ❀

Regardless of what or who you believe in, I have always felt that having a spiritual faith of sorts is so important. What a bleak and depressing path we walk without hope and faith by our side.

When I need to make a tough life decision, I talk to God about it and I love to go online and look up Bible verses for guidance related to my situation.

For this particular topic I found this Bible verse that speaks to me and I hope it speaks to you too –

Proverbs 3:6

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Short and sweet. I have grown to love Proverbs as I find the passages there are so direct and relevant to the world we live in today. The book of Proverbs doesn’t candy coat things and accepts no excuses from us.

I always seem to find the guidance I need there.

I wonder sometimes why we resist God’s path for us. We say we believe and trust in God to watch over us but many times we just have to complicate the path, take a bunch of detours and then finally come to the conclusion our gut was right all along and why didn’t we just listen to it sooner.

When I think of all the times I have done that, I imagine God up there in the clouds smacking his forehead like a parent who tries to tell their kid “Don’t touch the stove it’s hot” but they just have to do the opposite and ultimately learn the hard way.

I used to say the only way I know how to learn is the hard way but overtime I have realized, why learn the hard way all the time? I suppose being in my 30’s I am starting to become more aware of the fact that I am a mere mortal not destined to live forever so why on earth am I wasting time on this sort of thing?

Proverbs 12:11

Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.

Amen Proverbs. When we avoid making the decision we knew all along needed to be made, I think that counts as a worthless pursuit.

Oh, and let’s not forget James. He has an excellent point I need to share regarding this topic –

James 4:17

So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

The book of James is similar to Proverbs with it’s unapologetic, to the point words of wisdom and I have started to look there as well for guidance.

When it comes to making life decisions, I don’t think it’s a matter of “right” or “wrong” but more of a “How hard do you want to make this journey?” I believe God will guide us regardless and we will ultimately reach our destination if we hold him in our hearts but I liken decision making to booking a flight –

Do you want the cheaper flight with tons of layovers or the direct flight? Sure, the direct flight may cost you more upfront but you get to where you’re going twice as fast with less mess…usually lol

*I think you get the general idea with that analogy so let’s keep it simple and pretend airlines stay on schedule all the time. πŸ˜‰ *

In closing, I encourage you to face your fears head on and listen to your gut. Act on it sooner rather than later. Make the decision that is right for YOU because God is not out to make your life miserable.

God is our gut feeling. Trust him. Pass your worries over to him because the more you avoid doing what’s right for you, the louder God will speak in order to get your attention.

He’s not trying to punish you, he’s trying to make you “get it”. He’s giving you a shake because he doesn’t want to see bad things for you. He wants to walk with you so hold his hand and let God lead the way. ❀

 

Take Care & God Bless ❀

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

Prayer Requests

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Hey guys πŸ™‚

I was giving it some thought and I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner. We offer it all the time in my church. Prayer requests.

Many times we forget that there is not only power in prayer but in numbers. Today I want to extend my blog to anyone who may need prayer today. ❀

I want to offer up my sincere prayers to you. Please feel free to contact me via my contact page and I will send you prayer personalized to your needs. ❀

Matthew 18:20

For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

I encourage you to share requests in the comments section as well so that others can pray for you and with you.

If you feel other people need prayer, please feel free to reblog this post. Let’s form a prayer chain today and come together knowing God is watching over us.

God hears our prayers and He’s ready to answer them. ❀

Take Care & God Bless ❀

Cavelle

Let Live and Let God

Hey guys πŸ™‚

Sorry it’s been a few days since my last post but I needed to recharge my writing batteries. I am sure my fellow writers can relate! πŸ™‚

Today I want to talk about something we are all faced with at some point. Letting go.

There are many things we are faced with in life that prompt the question Β “Should I stay or should I go.” (great song by the way)

In the past, letting go was something I seriously struggled with. It never really crossed my mind to turn to God during these times and allow Him to take over. Sometimes, in order for God to work through us we have to be willing to step aside and let Him do his work.

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Letting go can be frightening. Even if we know that deep down we need to walk away, many of us will hang on to bad relationships, jobs, influences etc. for we drown ourselves Β in fear of the unknown. But God knows. He is leaps and bounds ahead of us and He knows what he wants for us even if we can’t see it at the time.

If we are not willing to jump, how is God supposed to catch us?

let your faith

Even if we stray from God, He manages to whisper to our soul the wishes He has for us. It manifests into that gut feeling we get when we know something needs to change for the better. He’s always there.

Always. ❀

When we feel pain and despair. When we feel stuck, when we cry at night thinking no one is watching, God cries with us. He wishes not to hurt us only to lift us up.

Let Him. ❀

It’s been my personal experience that the hardest thing to do is walk away from the people we love. Especially if we are worried for their wellbeing. We ask –

“If I walk away from this person, who will take care of them?”

God will.

It has also been my experience that when you face your fear of letting go and take the plunge, it’s never as bad as you think it’s going to be. On the contrary, it is in fact one of the most liberating things you can do! Once we free ourself from the chains of fear, God rewards us! It makes Him so happy that you put your faith in Him and in turn he blesses you with His love, joy and comfort.

If life were easy, there would be no need for faith. God puts our faith to the test not to punish us but to draw us closer and closer to Him so that He can protect us from the evil that roams this earth. Being true to God means you have to be true to yourself. We are a reflection of God’s image.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

In closing, know that you are not alone. There may be dark clouds in the sky but when you rise above those clouds, you see the sun is shining bright! Allow yourself to place your burdens on God. He can handle it. He is God after all. You are a reflection of God and by loving yourself enough to let go, you love God.

We are His children and He is the Father. ❀

God

Take Care & God Bless ❀

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Share A Prayer

Hey guys πŸ™‚

Today, like everyday, I need to pray.

I usually keep my prayers and my faith somewhat private but I feel the need to write it down. I am overdue for a good long prayer. Writing is my main therapy and so I hope you will join me as I pray…even if you don’t believe, there is power in prayer ❀

Dear Lord,

You know my struggles well. You have helped me every step of the way and I thank You for that. ❀

Sometimes, despite what I have to be grateful for, what You have given me, I still find myself in the dark.

Useless worrying, confusion and emotions I can’t explain.

Four months ago I reached out to You in a big way and in turn, You answered my prayers in a big way. It restored my faith on a whole new level. I can’t thank You enough for that. ❀

I find myself in the middle of a new journey and so much has happened in that time, a short time really. I am facing my pain now, I am facing myself and sometimes I find myself floundering about wondering if I will ever surface the depths of this pain I have numbed for years.

Lord, You know as well as I do that I did everything in my power to numb the pain and I am sorry that during that time I did not fully turn to You for Your guidance. Please forgive me and give me the strength I need to forgive myself. You were always there. In my heart and in my gut, You made sure I would not fully let go of Your hand.

I find myself facing life head on for the first time in years. You saw to it that I would, because I turned to You…finally.

The dust has settled and I am left with raw sobriety. I question my mental illness at times. I question the medication, I question the doctors and what the next move should be so I turn to You.

I pray for those also facing the pain in their life for perhaps the first time in a long time. I pray You watch over them like You have me and my family. I pray that You continue to hold my hand because I am reaching out with both of them this time as I need a spiritual hug from You like never before.

The world as a whole is changing in ways I can’t explain. Take recent world events and I find myself praying for America and the world at large.

The world is hurting.

I pray that You give me the strength and courage to post this prayer because You know I struggle with sharing this side of myself for fear of what others will think…but that is a disservice to You. Why should I hide my faith in You any longer? You deserve better from me…

I pray that I get through this day and the next. One day at a time. With You and prayer I will do my best to stand strong despite my weaknesses. I realise You do not ask for perfection, simply faith. You don’t make things difficult, I do. I do that to myself when all I have to do is turn to You.

In closing Lord, I hope this prayer reaches the people who need it. I feel at peace with my prayer and feel ready to start my day. Thank You ❀

Amen

Monday Mantra

It’s Monday! Yaaaaay (sarcastic yay).

That being said, it’s time to bring back Monday Mantra so without further adieu…

Today’s Mantra:

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I hope you can carry this mantra with you this week. When I found this I loved it because it’s so true! Fear really is false evidence appearing real. When we allowed fear to take over it can be crippling. It limits us and I don’t remember a time when that was fun.

When we face our fears head on, we open many doors. It is my hope you open even one door. You may be pleasantly surprised by what transpires when you do.

Take Care ❀

Cavelle