The Fear Of Making The Wrong Decision

Hey guys 🙂

So in my last two posts, I talked about why you should treat your life like a business and I also discussed a more sensitive topic about why I don’t want to have children.

Today, I want to expand on my “Why You Need To Start Treating Your Life Like A Business” post and delve into a more Christian version of that because personally, I need to get back in touch with the man upstairs (AKA God).

I alluded to the fact that the last week or so has been especially trying. It’s moments like this where it’s so easy for me to get caught up in the stress of it all and forget that God is looking out for me. He’s always there but it never hurts to acknowledge that.

Recently, my fiance had to make a tough decision. The truth is, from the outside looking in, the decision was clear but sometimes, the hesitation to take the high road can seem complicated.

Anxiety, stress, guilt, confusion and a lack of trust in our judgement can hinder the decision making process. It can paralyze us with fear because we become consumed with a question of worry –

What if I am making the wrong decision?

Ultimately, my fiance made the right decision for his well being and I am proud of him for setting boundaries and looking out for his mental and physical health. He put himself first for a change.

For many of us, putting ourselves first can be a challenge and I think for some of us “challenge” is an understatement . We feel guilt if we put ourselves first. We worry about ruffling feathers and more often than not, we stay in an unhealthy situation just to appease people who quite frankly, do not have our best interest at heart.

My fiance and I were discussing his recent decision and at that point he was still feeling guilt and worry but this is what I told him –

  1. The best decisions are usually the hardest to make.
  2. When we get a gut feeling that just won’t go away, that’s God talking to you. He’s trying to show you a better way and so he speaks to your heart until you listen and act on it.

I reminded my fiance and myself that keeping our faith strong needs to stay a top priority. When you look to God and acknowledge him in your life, you start to see he is everywhere.

If God does not exist, I will eat my shirt because based on my own life experiences, it’s a miracle sometimes that I am still standing. Even in my darkest days, my head has managed to stay above water, just barely at times but I have always managed to get back up and fight another day.

I have God to thank for that. ❤

Regardless of what or who you believe in, I have always felt that having a spiritual faith of sorts is so important. What a bleak and depressing path we walk without hope and faith by our side.

When I need to make a tough life decision, I talk to God about it and I love to go online and look up Bible verses for guidance related to my situation.

For this particular topic I found this Bible verse that speaks to me and I hope it speaks to you too –

Proverbs 3:6

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Short and sweet. I have grown to love Proverbs as I find the passages there are so direct and relevant to the world we live in today. The book of Proverbs doesn’t candy coat things and accepts no excuses from us.

I always seem to find the guidance I need there.

I wonder sometimes why we resist God’s path for us. We say we believe and trust in God to watch over us but many times we just have to complicate the path, take a bunch of detours and then finally come to the conclusion our gut was right all along and why didn’t we just listen to it sooner.

When I think of all the times I have done that, I imagine God up there in the clouds smacking his forehead like a parent who tries to tell their kid “Don’t touch the stove it’s hot” but they just have to do the opposite and ultimately learn the hard way.

I used to say the only way I know how to learn is the hard way but overtime I have realized, why learn the hard way all the time? I suppose being in my 30’s I am starting to become more aware of the fact that I am a mere mortal not destined to live forever so why on earth am I wasting time on this sort of thing?

Proverbs 12:11

Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.

Amen Proverbs. When we avoid making the decision we knew all along needed to be made, I think that counts as a worthless pursuit.

Oh, and let’s not forget James. He has an excellent point I need to share regarding this topic –

James 4:17

So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

The book of James is similar to Proverbs with it’s unapologetic, to the point words of wisdom and I have started to look there as well for guidance.

When it comes to making life decisions, I don’t think it’s a matter of “right” or “wrong” but more of a “How hard do you want to make this journey?” I believe God will guide us regardless and we will ultimately reach our destination if we hold him in our hearts but I liken decision making to booking a flight –

Do you want the cheaper flight with tons of layovers or the direct flight? Sure, the direct flight may cost you more upfront but you get to where you’re going twice as fast with less mess…usually lol

*I think you get the general idea with that analogy so let’s keep it simple and pretend airlines stay on schedule all the time. 😉 *

In closing, I encourage you to face your fears head on and listen to your gut. Act on it sooner rather than later. Make the decision that is right for YOU because God is not out to make your life miserable.

God is our gut feeling. Trust him. Pass your worries over to him because the more you avoid doing what’s right for you, the louder God will speak in order to get your attention.

He’s not trying to punish you, he’s trying to make you “get it”. He’s giving you a shake because he doesn’t want to see bad things for you. He wants to walk with you so hold his hand and let God lead the way. ❤

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

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Depression – It’s Not Just About Feeling Sad

Hey guys,

I haven’t written anything here in a month. Why? Because I have been dealing with an episode of bipolar depression.

In the last few days, this depression has started to lift. I am starting to feel more like myself but prior to that I was anything but.

Since I finally have the urge to write, I have decided to point out something that I don’t think everyone fully understands –

Depression is not just about feeling sad. It’s really not.

I would like to explain my recent experience with bipolar depression in particular to give people an inside look. I finally have the words to express myself so here it goes…

Depression crept up on me. It’s sneaky like that. I don’t experience depression all the time but when I do, how it effects me and the people around me is a dark hole of limbo that is hard to escape.

It is my hope that if someone reading this is struggling, they can be rest assured they are not alone and there is hope. I promise. ❤

In the last few months, life in general has been a series of low blows with a sprinkle of light at the end of the tunnel. Enough to get by.

I found myself saying “Things will be OK” repeatedly. I try my best to see the silver lining in everything but you can only take so many hits. You have two choices in that moment. Fight back or shut down.

I shut down.

Eventually I was adopting a robotic approach to life so that I could keep my head above water, get out of bed, get dressed and go to work. That’s pretty much it.

Funny, when I go to work I somehow manage to turn on a smile and you would never know I was in the throws of depression. In fact, even I didn’t know at first.

The robotic smile makes sure I can pay my bills. It makes sure I am not a complete waste…but it’s limited. That smile can only do so much and by the time I get home there are no smiles left for the people that truly matter in my life.

As time passed, I found myself not leaving the house (I am an introvert as it is). I work night shifts as a hotel night auditor and so pile on even more isolation. Although I must say I do enjoy the quiet and my own company.

Not leaving the house soon turned into not leaving the bed. Not bathing. Zoning out while I played match 3 games on my phone. Sleeping excessively. Cutting off communication.

No more posts on Facebook. No more writing in my blog. No more prayers to God or going to church. No more communication with my family or friends.

Nothing.

Not sad. Completely numb and isolated. Slowly but surely creating a little bubble in my bedroom, curtains drawn and simply existing.

To experience no emotions but know in the back of your mind that you should is very surreal. You start to wonder if you are in touch with reality at all. Is it a dream? You know it’s not but it’s like this dark cloud. A fog that you start to fear will never lift…except you don’t care. You really don’t.

You’re plagued with guilt and disgust. You know you should do something about it but all the life is gone…in fact you start to wonder about life and if it’s even worth it.

Thankfully, I have a wonderful soon to be husband. He let me have my space at first not fully understanding what was happening but when he saw it was too much he started to gently nudge me out of  bed…suggested things like a shower. Not in a mean way just simply to help me feel better. Sometimes it helped a little but I would soon retreat back to bed.

One day (God love him) he managed to actually get me out of the house and took me for a drive to nowhere in particular. It was a beautiful day and he simply just wanted to be with me and experience daylight.

Gradually, I started to try a little more. Not much but it’s something right? Still closed off and not knowing how to express myself I tried to be a little more present and then one day out of nowhere while my fiance sat by my bedside just to remind me he’s still there, I finally opened up. I am not sure why or where it came from but suddenly for the first time in weeks I had tears and once that happened I did not stop.

It felt good to cry. Finally something. An emotion. A flicker of a human being again.

My fiance relieved I was finally starting to come back to him, let me cry…and cry. He hugged me with no words and that’s all I needed. Things had meaning again.

The guilt of being so self absorbed in my little bubble and denying access to those I care about most hit like a ton of bricks but once the tears stopped, I realized I am loved and things really will be OK. I am worth it. I always have been and the dark clouds don’t last forever.

If you’re reading this and you relate or know someone going through the same thing. Please don’t give up. Don’t give up on yourself. Friends and family, don’t give up on them.

It does pass. It will pass and I can assure you that you are worth it. People do love you. God loves you. Hell, I will love you if you need it. ❤ Just don’t give up.

So that’s my story. I wonder did I spill too much of my guts. Probably but truth be told, I don’t care and finally it’s for the right reason.

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

 

Cavelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prayer Requests

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Hey guys 🙂

I was giving it some thought and I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner. We offer it all the time in my church. Prayer requests.

Many times we forget that there is not only power in prayer but in numbers. Today I want to extend my blog to anyone who may need prayer today. ❤

I want to offer up my sincere prayers to you. Please feel free to contact me via my contact page and I will send you prayer personalized to your needs. ❤

Matthew 18:20

For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

I encourage you to share requests in the comments section as well so that others can pray for you and with you.

If you feel other people need prayer, please feel free to reblog this post. Let’s form a prayer chain today and come together knowing God is watching over us.

God hears our prayers and He’s ready to answer them. ❤

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

Monday is Mental Illness Survivor Day!

Come share and celebrate Mental Illness Survivor Day! ❤

My Loud Bipolar Whispers

Monday is Mental Illness Survivor Day!

We need to celebrate us! We are all strong and we are all…

SURVIVORS!

  1. If you are a bipolar disorder survivor or any type of mental illness survivor, please add the name and link to your blog in my comment section and I will add your name and link and your comments to the top of my page today.
  2. Also, I will add the name and link to your blog on the side of my page permanently.
  3. Please post a comment about your story and journey of being a bipolar disorder survivor or any other type of mental illness survivor or any other information  you want to add. Write as much information as you want to share.
  4. I want to compile a list of all bloggers writing about bipolar disorder and any type of mental illness.
  5. It will be very valuable for myself and for everyone to have a list of all…

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Share A Prayer

Hey guys 🙂

Today, like everyday, I need to pray.

I usually keep my prayers and my faith somewhat private but I feel the need to write it down. I am overdue for a good long prayer. Writing is my main therapy and so I hope you will join me as I pray…even if you don’t believe, there is power in prayer ❤

Dear Lord,

You know my struggles well. You have helped me every step of the way and I thank You for that. ❤

Sometimes, despite what I have to be grateful for, what You have given me, I still find myself in the dark.

Useless worrying, confusion and emotions I can’t explain.

Four months ago I reached out to You in a big way and in turn, You answered my prayers in a big way. It restored my faith on a whole new level. I can’t thank You enough for that. ❤

I find myself in the middle of a new journey and so much has happened in that time, a short time really. I am facing my pain now, I am facing myself and sometimes I find myself floundering about wondering if I will ever surface the depths of this pain I have numbed for years.

Lord, You know as well as I do that I did everything in my power to numb the pain and I am sorry that during that time I did not fully turn to You for Your guidance. Please forgive me and give me the strength I need to forgive myself. You were always there. In my heart and in my gut, You made sure I would not fully let go of Your hand.

I find myself facing life head on for the first time in years. You saw to it that I would, because I turned to You…finally.

The dust has settled and I am left with raw sobriety. I question my mental illness at times. I question the medication, I question the doctors and what the next move should be so I turn to You.

I pray for those also facing the pain in their life for perhaps the first time in a long time. I pray You watch over them like You have me and my family. I pray that You continue to hold my hand because I am reaching out with both of them this time as I need a spiritual hug from You like never before.

The world as a whole is changing in ways I can’t explain. Take recent world events and I find myself praying for America and the world at large.

The world is hurting.

I pray that You give me the strength and courage to post this prayer because You know I struggle with sharing this side of myself for fear of what others will think…but that is a disservice to You. Why should I hide my faith in You any longer? You deserve better from me…

I pray that I get through this day and the next. One day at a time. With You and prayer I will do my best to stand strong despite my weaknesses. I realise You do not ask for perfection, simply faith. You don’t make things difficult, I do. I do that to myself when all I have to do is turn to You.

In closing Lord, I hope this prayer reaches the people who need it. I feel at peace with my prayer and feel ready to start my day. Thank You ❤

Amen