Words As A Weapon

Hey guys 🙂

So yeah need to get this one out. This is something I personally won’t stand for and so I have decided to not just write about it but put my face on it because I’m passionate about this one…

 

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

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Dear Love – An Open Letter To You

Dear Hun, (aka love of my life)

Just over a year ago, my brother introduced us. I didn’t know it right in that moment but I shook hands with my future husband, the person that I thought only existed in my dreams.

Then, one day, when the storm that I broke from cleared, there you were just being your awesome self and I quickly realized “This guy is the real deal” a male version of myself.

Realizing how much I loved you in that moment also made me realize that maybe, just maybe, I loved myself too for basically the first time ever.

Before you came along, I used to joke with people that I could never date someone like me, as a way to justify the fact that I was in relationships where being myself was an afterthought at best.

Being myself was a “bad” thing.

I forfeited my identity, the things that made me an individual to try and mold myself into what past boyfriends wanted me to be and it was never enough…ever.

But one day, I put my foot down..hard. I hit the ground running. It was terrifying and liberating all at the same time…I was ready to take life into my own hands…

Alone.

Funny how as soon as I did that, you just sort of fell into my lap. Best and worst timing ever lol.

It was like God was giving me a big hug, like a father proud of his child for doing the right thing and in turn he gifted me with you.

I think God had you in his back pocket the whole time, he was just waiting for me to wake up so that He could bless me with the best gift I could ever ask for. ❤

We have both been through so much. We both had baggage when we met and usually that would mean trouble, but in this case, we came together and helped each other to heal the wounds from our past because we both knew we had beautiful diamonds in the rough just waiting to shine, we understood each other’s pain and because we’re both so awesome, we got down to work and started chipping away at the walls we had built.

Now, like a sparkling diamond, we’re stronger than ever.

You are my best friend and I don’t think you understand just how much that means to me. We’re so connected. We know when to push and when to back off. We work through the tough times as a team.

We’re resilient. ❤

You give me the freedom to be me. I am still working on figuring out who I truly am and you support me on the journey and encourage me in the process. You make me want to be a better person everyday.

I used to feel like I was nothing more than some “crazy b*tch” (I was in fact told as much, more than once in the past along with various other derogatory statements.)

In my last relationship, I was apparently  suppose to “get over” the struggles I had with mental illness…no support, just criticism as if I should be able to just turn bipolar disorder off…

But you…you let me cry and work through the pain, you make me laugh, you make me smile, I am even allowed to be grumpy and you respect my space…that’s a big one as I was never allowed to have that before. You don’t take the need for space personally. You understand my need to recharge and process my thoughts. You also know when to give me a nudge when I have been in “hermit mode” for too long.

I am so grateful for that. ❤

You don’t push me into a corner and try to trigger me just so you can point the finger and make things my fault so that you can remain a control freak.

You make me an equal. ❤

You encourage me…you make it alright to be a big giant nerd because…well…you’re a big giant nerd 😉

You’re not threatened by the fact that I am smart. I don’t have to dumb myself down for you. We have in depth, intelligent conversations…do you have any idea what a breath of fresh air that is?! To be allowed to use my brain without coming off as some sort of threat to you?

What a difference it is to be with a real man ❤

Because you are there for me in ways I never imagined possible, it allows me to be there for you the way I had always hoped to be in a relationship.

We both have our moments where we don’t feel good enough for the other…that is just the past talking as it does sometimes but the voice of the past is fading more and more each day that we’re together.

Don’t ever say “You deserve better than me.” because you, my dear, are in fact the better I deserve ❤ I have waited for you for what seems like a lifetime and it’s been well worth the wait.

You know what else I love about you? Other people love you. I don’t feel like I have to “explain” you to people in order for them to understand what I see in you or flat out lie about our relationship to make it sound amazing to people when it isn’t.

You’re such a good soul and people see that in you right away. When I am with you I am proud. My parents and family love you so I know I got it right this time lol

People are genuinely happy for us because it’s so obvious how much we’re truly happy with each other. W truly are good and healthy for each other.

The people that matter most to me don’t simply “tolerate” you for my sake while secretly hoping I will come to my senses and leave you.

Oh and did I mention your amazing work ethic? Nothing is more attractive to me than a smart man who sets their work ethic bar high. I take pride in doing a good job, being reliable and a strong worker. I enjoy being a good example and so do you. You’re not lazy. You won’t lower the bar just to appease a lazy person.

I’m not high maintenance, you know this about me and by work ethic I am not talking about the money…it’s the principle.

You will do what needs to be done to maintain security in our home without a second thought. You don’t leave me hanging and force me to be “the provider” which you know hands down I can do and have done in past relationships. I will also do what needs to be done to keep security in our home but you don’t sit back and expect it.

You care about taking care of me and putting my mind at ease making it effortless for me to support you in the ways that you truly need.

You are my king and as your queen, I am more than happy to stand by your side and let you wear your much deserved crown. ❤

Know that I will always support you in this way. I want nothing but the best for you. I want to show you that the women from your past, the ones who have stomped all over your heart and wallet for that matter…That’s over and it’s totally their loss and my gain.

In the end, all of that, your past…my past, it ultimately brought us together. The rest no longer matters and for the others? What goes around truly comes back around.

I will always have your back. Anyone stupid enough to mess with you from here on in,  now has to answer to me and trust me when I say, for you, I will eat those people alive. You’re worth protecting and fighting for. You would and have, done the same for me. ❤

In closing, I only ask one thing of you.

Keep being you. You are truly a beautiful person. A rare find in this world and that is worth more to me than anything else ❤

I love you ❤

Cavelle

xoxoxoxox

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Christian With Bipolar Disorder (Extended Edition)

Hey guys 🙂

I was reading through some of my older blog posts this evening and I noticed one that keeps getting hits long after I wrote it so in light of that, I thought I would expand on that post.

If you’re interested in reading the older post, click on the link below –

A Christian With Bipolar Disorder

In that post, I discussed some of the personal challenges I face in regards to keeping my faith strong while living with Bipolar Disorder.

Honestly, I didn’t think it was one of my best pieces but as it turns out it received great responses and more people were able to relate to this topic than I thought.

Living with Bipolar Disorder certainly has its challenges and stigma. Add a dash of faith in God and the challenges and stigma easily doubles.

In the past, I have talked about the persecution of Christians in today’s society. Not just Christians but honestly anyone who chooses to believe in God. Those of us who believe know that as time goes on, that persecution is destined to get worse.

2 Timothy 3:12

Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted…

Personally, I desire to live a godly life. Am I good at that? Not really if I’m being honest. I screw up all the time but one thing I can say with confidence is that I am a resilient person.

In fact, I believe people who live with mental illness have an edge in that respect. The internal battle mental illness can bring day after day…to the point some people would rather take their own life…and do… but there are also so many of us who have managed to survive that battle. In some cases multiple times.

I thank God for my survival. ❤

You know, I was reading some material about Freud and his take on religion. As if the balancing act was difficult enough, the father of psychology states that God is merely an illusion…

Image result for Freud

Religion is an illusion and it derives its strength from the fact that it falls in with our instinctual desires…

 

It could be ventured to understand obsessive compulsive neurosis as the pathological counterpart of religious development, to define neurosis as an individual religiosity; to define religion as a universal obsessive compulsive neurosis…

 

 

The whole thing (religion) is so patently infantile, so foreign to reality, that to anyone with a friendly attitude to humanity it is painful to think that the great majority of mortals will never be able to rise above this view of life… 

 

And my “favorite”…

I regard myself as one of the most dangerous enemies of religion…

 

It’s interesting to note that Freud was born in Austria to a large Jewish family. His nanny was a devout catholic who took him to church every Sunday. Aside from that, Freud fled Nazis persecution and died shortly before World War 2.

As I find with a lot of Atheists, they don’t believe yet are fascinated with the subject. In this case I feel Freud’s take on religion is entirely based on his personal upbringing. If religion was introduced from a young age and in turn rejected, there is a reason for that and from what I noticed, people who reject God seem to be bitter about something. I could be wrong but it’s something that has stood out to me over time.

Freud is indeed dangerous in this regard as he states himself. He is one of the most prominent figures in psychology. Most people take his findings/opinions as the “bible” truth.

As if the stigma of having a mental illness isn’t enough, we now have to deal with a man  who’s words carry much weight even to this day and work hard against the Christian.

Hmm, I wonder what words from men of the past also carry much weight even to this day.

The bible comes to mind but remember, I’m delusional so believe what I say with caution…

So let me get this straight, I have Bipolar Disorder and apparently an obsessive compulsive, infantile mental state on top of it simply because I believe in God.

There is more than one article out there that correlates religion and mental illness. This does not surprise me at all given the state of our current world. It’s much easier to write off Christians as mentally ill then to think maybe they have a point…or a brain for that matter.

This just ties in with the mass persecution I spoke of earlier. Most Christians simply want to live in peace. Most are not banging down your door trying to shove their beliefs down your throat. Most are kind and are not running around killing people over the matter and many (are you ready for this?) are not mentally ill.

In part, you can thank the media for promoting such stigmas.

It blows my mind that in a world that currently promotes and borderline forces you to accept all for who they are without question, Christians still get some of worst ridicule…and for what exactly? How can there be such a double standard?

Apparently, I can’t believe in God without my mental health coming into question yet I could certainly question the mental health of people who currently ride the massive accept all/no questions train.

 

Freud makes yet another quote which I will leave you with…

…Religion’s eleventh commandment is “Thou shalt not question”…

Interesting…

 

Take Care and God Bless ❤

Cavelle